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pokefanclaire · 3 years ago

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London Tourist

Hello! I’m so new to this but I have another Lucifendi ship fanfic (don’t judge me too harshly) Also I don’t own any rights to the game, or characters its purely my weird thoughts. So this one is about a visiter that will come to London, and the Commissioner has asked Lucy to be his tour guide but Alfendi gets jealous and mutual pining happens. Pretty tame but please let me know what I'm doing as its all so new! Any advice would be greatly recieved.

London Tourist:

Lucy quietly knocked onto the commissioners office door startling him from an unexpected evening nap.

“Ah Lucy my dear, take a seat. Thank you for coming to see me at such short notice. The matter I want to share with you is of a personal nature. So please excuse that I have chosen you specifically”

Lucy suddenly felt uneasy.

“I have a friend, a very dear friend of mine who’s son will be coming to London for a few days and I was hoping you would be kind enough to show him around London. Inspector Layton will be able to maintain the cases for you while you’re away. I would like you to do this as a favour to me personally so all expenses will be covered by me. Is that clear my dear. I have had my assistant book tickets for some interesting plays, tours and visits that I believe will interest a couple of like minded youths as yourselves?”

“sounds grand sir”

she beamed at the commissioner thankful her unease was unwarranted.

“His name is Eric, he is your age I believe possibly a year older. I’m certain you’ll get along very well. He will be a calm and welcome change from your changeable mentor.”

“I look forward to meeting ‘im”

Lucy felt very proud that out of all her colleagues she had been chosen to show the commissioners dear friend’s son around London.

“thank you Lucy, that will be everything. And I thank you for rising to the challenge of tour guide” He chuckled as Lucy skipped toward to door. ‘What a sweet and generous girl’.

“Night Commissioner! Thanks agai’”

“Good night.”

Lucy ran back to the Mystery room hoping her mentor would still be around to hear her ‘mission’. Opening the door Lucy was greeted by an exhausted placid Prof stretched out on the sofa with case files scattering the dimly lit room

“Lucy dear! You’re still here.”

“I’ve jus’ finished speaking with th’ commissioner”

“ah yes, of course. Sorry Lucy I momentarily lost track of myself. Are you about to embark on a solo mission? Can you tell me any details or is it on a need to know basis?”

Alfendi chuckled toward Lucy, adoring the pride on her face.

“oh it’s nowt like that Prof, its a personal favour the commissioner would like me to do for his good friend. He wants me to take care of his friend’s son while he visits London”

Alfendis eyes shot up to meet hers “He?”

“yea, some lad a similar age to me. Eric I think it wer’”

“…and…. you said yes?”

“’course Prof, I cant let him down. Besides I don’ have no reason to turn him down”

“……. oh”

“you can ‘elp if you like? You know London better than anyone ‘ere at Scotland yard. I still feel like a tourist”

“...doubt he’ll want to see the London eye once he sets eyes on you dear Lucy...” his voice suddenly sounded bitter as a streak of crimson hair washed over his head.

“Um hi Potty, I wasn’t expecting you this late in the evening”

Alfendi’s eyes were hidden under crimson dishevelled hair making it hard to read his expression but a smirk pulled at the edge of his smile.

“Just fine my dear Lucy, and yes I would be thrilled to guide you when my schedule allows. In fact i’m quite free now”

“We can wait for Eric. He will arrive tomorrow afternoon some time, and I have ‘is number here”

Potty Prof strode toward Lucy unexpectedly grabbing her wrists.

“In that case, now is the very best time to show you the city before any corruption. Don’t you agree dear Baker?”

His grip worsened on her now pink wrists. Before she could register the twinge of pain, Alfendi had pulled her forward sending her tumbling into his chest.

“Clumsy girl” he sneered. “falling for me are you my dear Lucy?”

Lucy looked up, unable to process the last few exchange of words.

“sto’ messin’ with me Potty”

Alfendi towered over her, a streak of red flashed across his cheeks as he crouched to meet her eyes.

“I haven't started yet my dear, now please collect your belongings. I really must show you what London can do to you before Eric has the chance”

‘Did I hear that ‘ight? Is he jealous of some lad I haven't even met seeing London wi’ me?’ Lucy had never seen her mentor like this. Lucy had regular run ins with Potty Prof, that wasn't new. But she was sure he had some new found venom in his voice while pronouncing his name too...

Lucy struggled to keep up with Alfendi’s new speed and determination to leave the mystery room.

“Baker! Come on!”

a desperate sounding Alfendi held his hand out to take Lucy’s. Pulling her from the room he fumbled with keys, hastily locking the Mystery room.

“I’ll get the commissioner for this.. I swear….” he snarled under her breath to no one in particular.

Alfendi took a deep breath “Lucy dear….” He held out a slightly trembling hand to her “….please allow me to…show you….what i’ve longed to… for some time… but if I can just....” He stumbled as flashes of burgundy replaced the crimson red of his hair “.. accompany you this evening” he finished by kissing the back of her hand.

“Prof? Are ya ok?”

“Yes dear, I just wish I had more time than fate has decided to grant me, more time so that… I could show you both sides.. and how… he is all bark.. he wouldn't hurt her....”

Alfendi’s train of conversation trailed off as he began muttering to himself. Or his other side she thought.

“prof if ya sure its not an inconvenience. Then lets go! Where first?”

Splashes of red and dishevelled hair gave Lucy a small jump.

“oh hi Potty! Where to first?”

“Baker, dear Baker...” He whispered in a sultry tone forcing her to take a step backwards.

“Why don’t we start here?”

Alfendi increased his steps toward Lucy.

Lucy instinctively stepped back matching his speed knowing how unpredictable Potty could be. Her wrists let out a twang of pain reminding her of his last practical joke on her. ‘You’re tougher than this Lucy lass’ she encouraged herself ‘He’s your Prof, he wont ‘urt you’ she glanced left and right in blind panic looking for an escape. Alfendi cupped her chin with his hand bringing her wide eyes to meet his. ‘Don’t panic’ Lucy thought as she acknowledged Pottys hand on her chin, softer and gentler than she expected. A rush of heat rose to her cheeks as she breathed in that familiar scent of her beloved Prof ‘Why now Potty? always keeping me on my toes’ an audible groaned slipped past her lips as she felt his heated breath against her lips

“Potty?...”

She took a step back to gain some distance.

THUD.

Lucy’s back met with the wall.

“yes dear?….”

Alfendis hand slid down her chin, caressing the soft skin of her neck.

“you know Baker, I wanted more time… This little situation with Eric has meant I have had to adapt to time constraints” he took a final step closer to Lucy closing the distance between them

“…..will you forgive me if I act at all un-gentelmanly under these circumstances….”

He lowered his hands to meet hers, lifting them above her head in one fast and smooth motion.

“….Prof? What’ got into ya all sudden like”

Lucy’s hands struggled against Alfendi’s but he was taller, stronger and currently sporting his darker persona.

“this aint some time to joke ya kno’ Prof ya said ya were gonna show me London before Eric arrives”

Alfendi leaned into her neck, his breath uneven and franticagainst her ear.

All the hair on the back of her neck rose as waves of electricity seemed to shoot down from her now numb arms held above her head. The comforting smell of Alfendi filled her head and she bit down on her bottom lip letting out a small squeal.

“I said i’d show you what I… I mean London can do to you..”

“Please Prof my arms.. they hurt a little”

Crimson hair flashedto deep burgundy as he let go on Lucy’s arms.

“Lucy, please forgive me, are you in pain? Are you okay.. please forgive me...us?”

Alfendi nuzzled his face into her neck not wishing to meet her eyes and confirm what he already knew.. that he had blown any future chance with his sweet Lucy. he spoke softly.

“Please Lucy, its me I wont hurt you. I’m so sorry”

“Prof...”

“Lucy?”

Alfendi took a cautious step back and forced himself to meet with her rubyred eyes. Lucy stared into the Prof’s soft amber eyes, taking in the look of embarrassment and hurt that marked his face.

Alfendi scanned her face in a panic searching for clues to her expression was she upset? Scared? no. thats not it. A soft glow of red spread across her cheeks intensifying the ruby red of her beautiful eyes.

“Prof, my ‘ands were numb is all. Dont fret, I aint hurt”

Alfendi studied her face with desperate closeness causing Lucy to blush brighter with fresh heat flooding to her cheeks

“Prof please...”

she stifled a moan by biting down on her own lip wincing.

“Lucy dear…I cant begin to…”

“Prof’.Al......”She paused “Alfendi. I was never in any danger..not from you.”

An unfamiliar serious expression marked Lucy’s sweet face as she matched Alfendi’s closeness causing him to take a step back.

“wasn’t there something important you wanted to do to me Alfendi...?”

#lucifendi #alfendi layton #lucy x alfendi #alfendi #lucy baker #mystery room #layton brothers mystery room

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mother-snake · 4 years ago

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self-destruction pt.1

(welcome to a new series! this will be angsty... but thats to be accepted by now...) tags: @idkanameatall warnings: self-hurt, crying, tears. general angst thrown out the window words:4646 next: n/a

-janus wakes up to a voice in his head he hasnt heard since the day he was created. things can only go down hill from there, cant they?-

She asked me, "Son, when I grow old, Will you buy me a house of gold? And when your father turns to stone, Will you take care of me?"

Nothing had been okay for a while. And no one had realised how much it had been affecting a certain side. the split… Virgil leaving… Remus leaving…

And now he was alone. Something he wished he never was. it had hurt to wake up each morning and make breakfast, only to call on Remus to remember that he was gone. he didn’t know how long he cried when the deep green door wasn’t in its place. The three dark sides had promised each other that no one would be left behind… yet… here he was.

Alone, cold and done. The lines on his arms showing the pain that seemed to break over the surface. maybe that’s why it hadn’t been such a surprise when he woke up late one day, a heavy weight draping over him.

He had laid there for a while before standing up to at least make himself look presentable despite the fact no one was there… old habits die hard.

And when he looked into the mirror. He had been surprised. His once shiny brown hair was duller, grey streaks mixed in, making him look like he had aged years over night. even his scales had matched his grey hair, just darker… his eye was still yellow. Just duller.

He stared at his reflection curiously. Reaching up and running his had along his scales. He flinched as he felt how cold they were. Not warm like they used to be. But now ice cold.

Then he froze in place. A small voice. One he had not heard since the day he was created. But it had stuck with him. And it spoke something that sent a shiver down his back.

“I’m sorry self-destruction,”

And just like that…it was gone.

Had that really been what had happened… had his core shifted? Become something new? this… wasn’t like a split. He would have known if there was one present. Anyone would have.

A weak smile grew on his face. he truly had changed. There was no way the others could trust him when he looked even more like a villain.

he looked around his room. Nothing had changed much to his confusion. Everything was still bright yellow and pitch black.

His eyes landed on his hat. He walked over and picked it up. he brought it up to his chest and held it tight. it was a gift. From the one person who hadn’t deliberately left him. The one gift he had ever gotten… and it had been from Romulus.

He placed it back on his vanity. It was time to retire the hat… things were changing. And maybe it was time to start from fresh. Completely.

“just listen to me!” he jumped at the voice that screamed in his head with such agony. this… was Logan’s voice? What?

He felt himself sinking down before he knew what was happening. Drawn like a moth to a flame. His mind reeling from the sudden noise and overwhelming sensation of sadness that had swept over him.

When he arrived. he had been rather surprised. He was in Logan’s room. The walls covered in graphs and papers. It was bigger than his room. Almost double.

His eyes landed on a figure hunched over at a desk. The light sound of tears made his heart ache. But… that was it. he didn’t seem to care as much as he used to. Maybe it was the lack of feeling in his chest.

“Logan?” he said. the logical side seemed to tense at the spoken word. “Logan, are you alright?” Janus said as he made his way over, trying to avoid knocking over the several towers of books.

Logan took a breath and looked over to where the deceitful side was. he blinked and rubbed his eyes… what the… what had happened?

He wasn’t sure what to focus on really.

His hair, scales, eye or the thin lines on his arms that were scabbed and fading. “Janus… what happened to you?” he said as he stared at the other. “that’s not why I’m here,” Janus stated coldly, sending a shiver up Logan’s spine, “I want to know if you’re alright.”

“I… I am fine Janus, I assure you?” “really then?” he said as his lips twitched up, “so you’re not bothered by the fact the others wont listen to you then?”

Logan froze as he turned back to his computer. “what?” his head snapped over to look at the other.

“you’re being ignored by everyone… and its causing you stress. But instead of facing it, you’re over working yourself,” Janus stated. “why do you care deceit,” he spat back. “one, that’s not my title… two because I care. If Thomas’s logic burned himself out due to over working, things could get bad. That and despite the fact you say you have no emotions; there you were not just five minuets ago crying due to the others not listening and messing up the schedule.”

Logan was at a loss for words. He glared at the snake. “falsehood,” he said as he stood up, “im logic. Emotions don’t matter to me. they only get in the way. if this is an attempt to make me join the dark side, I suggest you leave.” he glared at the other. Anger boiling in his chest.

“go talk to the others,” Janus muttered as he cast his eyes away, “tell them that they are making you work over time. That’s all I want to say.”

The small smile was replaced with a blank stare. And he was gone just as quickly as he had come. leaving a puzzled Logan in place. Wondering one thing. what had he meant by deceit no longer being his title…

She asked me, "Son, when I grow old, Will you buy me a house of gold? And when your father turns to stone, Will you take care of me?"

Janus sunk to his knees when he arrived back in his room. Silent gasps filled the air as tears poured from his eyes. he thought that maybe Logan would be able to see past all he had done. Think logically about why he was there in the first place.

He guessed wrong. And the words that had fallen out of Logan’s mouth were like knives to his soul. He would be telling the truth when he said that it had taken so much energy not to break down at his words then and there.

Why had it hurt so much? was it because after several weeks of being alone, that was the first thing anyone had said to him? or was it because of his new core… he didn’t know. But he just wanted to stop crying.

it had taken half an hour before he stopped crying. He moved himself off the floor and onto his bed. he laid sprawled out, weakly holding onto the blanket under him. Burying into the fluff and warmth.

Little to no energy left. The lack of sleep from the previous night getting to him, making it hard to keep his eyes open. soon he caved in, grasping onto the sleep.

Logan had been concerned, the more he thought about what Janus had said. and it was slowly getting to him. “Logan? Are you alright?” Patton asked.

Ah. He was just staring at his toast. Had he been so caught up in thought? “after breakfast I would like to talk to you all, if that’s alright. But I will have something to do first,” he sighed, slumping his shoulders. “of course! But may I ask why you’d like to talk to us dear nerd?” roman asked. “it’s about the schedule. With everything that keeps coming up I’m constantly trying to fix it. and at the minuet I don’t know how Thomas is going to get everything done,” “so you need help cutting some things out?” Virgil said as he took a sip from a purple cup. “basically… yes.” “no problem specks,” Virgil said as he shrugged his shoulders.

“anyways, where will you be going?” “ah… I will be visiting Janus later,” roman and Virgil froze at his words. “why?” roman said with a raised eyebrow. “he… was the one to bring up the fact I was burning myself out. I said some harsh things. I also have a question to ask him.”

The other four sides looked between each other with confusion and worry.

He was outside Janus’s door sooner than he would have liked. But he was okay with that. Patton had sent him away with a box of cookies for the snake. Worried about him as they hadn’t spoken since the Lilly-Patton incident. he unconsciously rubbed his neck.

He sent three sharp knocks on the door. But much to his surprise, the movement had pushed the door open, the deceitful side must not have closed the door properly.

He nudged it open just enough to peek inside. A sharp pain filled his heart as he saw Janus sprawled on the bed that sat in the furthest corner of the room. another thing he realised was just how cold it was. like an icy blanket that covered the entire room.

He entered cautiously, placing the tub of cookies down by Janus’s hat. he looked over to the sleeping side with worry. He had never seen him looking so peaceful. It was kind of worrying truthfully.

He summoned a blanket and draped it over Janus, hoping it would keep him warm for now. he reached into his pocket. A small sorry letter he had written in case Janus wasn’t in. but sleeping was also another reason he hadn’t thought about.

He placed it at the end of the bed. Hoping the other would find it when he woke up. and if he didn’t, that wouldn’t stop him from apologising in person. he knew when he was wrong about something. And he knew he was wrong to say the things he had.

I will make you queen of everything you see, I'll put you on the map, I'll cure you of disease.

He had been surprised when he was slowly waking up. something warm was covering him like the worlds best hug. He would be lying if he said he didn’t pull it further over himself.

But as he slowly woke up, he cracked his eyes open and almost broke. He stared at the blanket that was covering himself only to see the deep blue colour. Logan had been here?

He sat up quickly, scanning his room quickly to see if the side was there. Not to his surprise… he wasn’t there. his alarm clock told him he had been asleep for a while. Lunch rolling around the corner soon.

He pulled the blue blanket over his shoulders and tied the ends like a cape. He forgot how cold he was for a couple seconds.

He looked over to his hat, a small plastic box sitting next to it. a small part of him thought he was asleep. There was no way that a light side would willingly come over… right?

He picked up the container and opened it up. chocolate chip cookies stared back at him. yes… he was definitely still asleep. There was no other way this was happening. Yeah… he would wake up in a couple seconds and he would be alone once again. None of this would be here.

He sighed and reached into the box, pulling out a cookie. a tiny smile formed on his face. he knew Logan couldn’t cook. So, there was a high chance that it was Patton’s or romans cooking.

He placed it back into the box and closed it over. But he held the container in his hands a little longer before placing it down.

Any warmth that had filled him before seemed to dull down as he realised that despite everything. He was still alone. For all he knew they were doing this to keep him away for a while longer…

“why can’t I do anything right!” the voice yelled in his mind. this one he could tell was Patton’s.

He sighed. Today was going to be a long day. He could already tell. he snapped his fingers and changed out of his pyjamas and into something else.

Black dress pants and a yellow button up. his caplet draped over his shoulders. Logan’s blanket still tied around himself like a cape.

And soon he found himself sinking down.

Let's say we up and left this town, And turned our future upside down. We'll make pretend that you and me, Lived ever after happily.

Janus arrived in the light side’s kitchen. Patton stood staring at the wall. he let out a cough, grabbing Patton attention almost immediately. “oh! Hello Jan- “he cut himself off as he looked at the snake with shock, “you…seem to have changed quite a bit there,”

Janus simply rolled his eyes, not as bothered as he felt he should have been by morality’s words. “anyways… I came to ask if you were okay,” he moved himself over to Patton's side.

“I’m… I’m okay kiddo,” Patton said, plastering a fake smile on his face.

Janus returned the smile with a blank look on his face,” that’s a lie. Isn’t it?” he sighed. “I don’t know what you mean?” “you’re bottling it up. you feel like you keep hurting those around you with everything you do,” Janus felt like such a hypocrite, “and you feel like you’re driving them away in the process. Am I wrong?”

Patton felt tears pricking his eyes as he looked at Janus. “what do I do?” he said, “I don’t want to lose them…”

Janus stayed silent. His face scrunched up in thought. His fingers rapped over the counter. “I don’t know truthfully… but maybe you should just confront it head on. Don’t skirt around the issue…” don’t do what I did, that’s what he meant.

Patton looked at him with a sad smile. “would you like to join us for lunch Janus?” he said as he rubbed his eyes, getting rid of the tears that messed with his vision. “as much as I’d love to, I know roman and Virgil wouldn’t want me there,” he said sadly. Patton could feel the small amounts of sadness coming from him. But it was blocked off by something else. As if it was being hidden by something else. Whatever it was, he couldn’t sense it. “well, if you change your mind, you’re welcome to join us.”

Janus gave a weak smile in Patton's direction and turned to leave but froze as he saw who was standing at the door.

Virgil glared at him but he could see the confusion in his eyes. “why are you here deceit,” he growled. “one, that’s not my title any more. And two… Patton simply needed some assistance. I was happy to help,” he said, keeping his eyes of the anxious side.

“excuse me?” Virgil said startled, “what the hell do you mean deceit isn’t your title anymore?” Janus shifted uncomfortably under the gaze of the other. “you can call me self-destruction from now on,” he said coldly, glancing up an connecting his eyes with the purple of Virgil’s.

Neither side knew what to say at what the now self-destruction side had said. This was new. sure, there had been splits… but never a full core change… “Janus…” Patton said as he took a step closer. “don’t,” Janus said, holding a hand up. Patton stopped walking towards Janus. His concern for the side growing even more.

Virgil didn’t know what to do, he just stood there dumbfounded. This was the last thing he had been expecting. Okay sure, he had been startled when he saw Janus’s new look. but this… his title shifting to something new. something like that? he didn’t know what to do. And he didn’t like not knowing things…

“how long,” Virgil said as he stared at the snake. “only this morning… no one else knows,” Janus said.

They shifted uncomfortably for a couple more seconds. “well… if you don’t mind, I think it would be best if I left for now,” Janus said, making his way over to the door Virgil had been blocking.

“no,” the anxious side said, “we don’t know what you can do now. How do we know if you wont effect Thomas,” he said staring at Janus. “please, you didn’t care about me before, why change that now?”

Virgil felt his chest tighten at the words spoken by Janus. “as much as I hate to say it… Virge has a point. With a new title… you will have to learn new things about yourself. And having people around might help,” he said carefully, trying to block out the words Janus had previously spoken.

“just let me go,” he muttered, swaying as he stood as still as possible. “Janus are you- Janus!” Patton yelled as he caught the side who had toppled over.

Janus was unconscious before he heard Patton yell his name.

Virgil was by their sides in seconds. Panic spreading through his veins. “Janus… Janus,” he said as he shook the snake, hoping to wake him up. “he’s like ice!” Patton said as he jerked his hand away from his head.

“get the others and tell them that Janus will be staying with us for a while,” Patton said as he picked Janus up bridal style. Trying his best not to shiver under the coldness of the others skin.

She asked me, "Son, when I grow old, Will you buy me a house of gold? And when your father turns to stone, Will you take care of me?"

Virgil gave a sharp nod before bolting out the room and making his way to the bedroom hallway. the first door he came to was Logan’s. he pounded on the door, hoping it would startle Logan out of his work. he heard shuffling on the other side before his door creaked open. Logan looked at Virgil rather surprised.

“get your ass down stairs,” Virgil said before shooting of to the twins shared room and pounding on the door in a hurry.

The door opened on its own and he flung the door open irritably. “get your asses down stairs, now,” he said as he looked at the twins who seemed startled by his sudden appearance, most likely thinking he was Patton.

But non the less they both stood up and made their way down the stairs after Virgil and a rather confused Logan. the three of them got closer to the living room. The sound of shuffling and Virgil pacing was all they could hear until they reached the room.

Patton was draping a blanket over something on the couch as Virgil moved something, placing a pillow underneath. and as the three of them got closer. They stopped moving.

“Janus,” Logan said before making his way over to the other two sides. he knelt down next to the unconscious side, “what happened?” he asked looking at the moral side. “we don’t know, we were talking and he started to sway before falling unconscious. I managed to catch him before he hit the ground, but he’s so cold. Almost like ice,” Patton muttered.

Logan reached his hand and placed it gently on the sides head. Patton was correct. He was cold as ice. “keep him wrapped up in the blankets,” he said before turning to the twins, “can one of you come with me to Janus’s room? I need to check something out from earlier,” he said as he stood up. “oh, and Virgil. Go into my room and get the medical box from under the bathroom sink. His arms need to be covered,”

Virgil stared at Logan, “what do you mean by that specks,” he whispered. even Remus who was normally loud and yelling, his eyes glazed over at his words, “he said he stopped…” he whispered horrified.

“ill come with you then dear nerd, we shall be back soon,” he said as he sunk out with Logan not too far behind.

I will make you queen of everything you see, I'll put you on the map, I'll cure you of disease.

Logan and roman appeared in Janus’s room. The first thing roman did was curse under his breath at how cold it was. “no wonder he was so cold specks… his rooms colder than the artic!” “but why…” Logan said as he began to look around.

The room was much smaller than his own. But it was much more cluttered. A wall of trophies Thomas had won sat high and on display. musical posters and photographs hung the walls. a bookshelf sat facing Janus’s bed. Filled to the brim with books on philosophers and snakes.

Then his eyes landed on something. A small leather-bound book that looked far older than anything on the book case. “roman,” he said, causing the side to look up from his position, looking in a small wooden box. he made his way over as Logan removed the book. it didn’t take too long for him to realise what he was holding. “looks like a diary,” he muttered.

What had caught roman was the symbol printed into the front. One he hadn’t seen in on much. but knew all to well. “why does he have Romulus’s diary?” he said to himself, but it didn’t go unheard by the other in the room.

“no… its Janus’s,” he said as he flicked through the pages, “each one was signed of by Janus. Not Romulus- wait look here,” he said.

The hand writing and use of pen had changed from black to a multi coloured one. Red and green ink swirling on the page. he read over what was written.

They re read what was written. Guilt seemed to flood into them as the read it over and over again. had Romulus and Janus been that close that… oh god… a sick feeling laid planted in romans chest. he didn’t know much about the person he had split from. But he knew that Janus had always played a part in his past. He thought that maybe he had been the cause of the split.

Not that Romulus split on purpose in hopes to better balance out the mind scape for everyone’s sake. Maybe… he would discuss his plan with his twin later. “we should keep looking. And if we don’t find anything… we can put it down to his core shifting and messing with his room,” Logan said; he only getting a nod in response.

Ohhhh... And since we know that dreams are dead, And life turns plan’s up on their head, I will plan to be a bum, So I just might become someone.

Janus needed to stop falling asleep. He was going to mess with his sleep schedule. he noticed three things as he began to wake up for the third time that day. one, he was warm. Not Logan’s blanket, just keeping out the cold. This was full on Patton hug level of warmth. second was the smell of cookies that hung in the air. It was comforting to some extent. Only he knew he hadn’t done any cooking in a long time. third was that he was lying on something soft. His bed had always been stiff and hard. This, he was able to melt into like putty.

He didn’t want to move. He was perfectly fine being here for the rest of eternity. but he was curious as to where he was. so despite his body complaining against waking up, he tried his best to crack his eyes open. A bright light filled his vision, causing him to et out a small hiss of pain.

Then noise filled his ears, the sounds of people shouting and moving filled his head as he finally got his eyes open. he didn’t expect to see all the light sides surrounding him.

“Janus! Are you alright?” Patton asked. he didn’t know what to do. His mind ran at several miles an hour, a light panic setting into his chest as he realised how close they were to him.

Virgil seemed to know the look on Janus’s face, “everyone back away, you’re crowding him. He’s already starting to panic,” he said as he shuffled away slightly.

The others followed suit as they realised Janus was indeed internally panicking. they waited a couple minutes before Patton turned to Logan who gave him a quick nod. He stood up and made his way out of the room. “sorry,” Janus muttered as he bowed his head down. “it’s alright Jannie,” Remus said as he smiled at Janus.

He looked around the room once again. Still confused as to why they weren’t being hostile as before… “what happened?” he asked as he looked at them. Virgil shifted uncomfortably, grabbing Janus’s attention, “you fell unconscious after I confronted you in the kitchen. Patton caught you before you hit the ground,” he said, keeping his eyes away from Janus.

The room fell quiet. But it wasn’t bad… it felt calm. “well, should I put a movie on in the mean time?” roman asked everyone. “I have no quarry with that,” Logan said as he adjusted his glasses. “same here princy,” Virgil said. “sure thing bitch,” Remus said punching his twins arm getting a wince in response.

Janus nodded, moving his hand to rub his arm before looking down, realising he wasn’t touching his coarse skin. Once again, he felt himself freeze in place. They had seen them…

Well he was fucked. “Janus- “he looked up from his arms and towards roman. “is there anything you’d like to watch?” Janus didn’t respond, he only looked at roman before casting his eyes back to his wrists.

It was at that moment Patton entered the room with a bowl of soup. He gave it over to the grey scaled side with a smile. “you missed lunch and dinners still a while away, I thought you might get hungry,” he said cheerfully.

He held the bowl staring at it for a couple seconds. The soup seemed to ripple for a couple seconds. And it was then that he realised he had begun to cry. a pair of hands moved the bowl from him and someone wrapped him up in a hug. That only seemed to make him cry harder despite the fact he had clung onto the person.

“I’m sorry,” he hiccupped as tears continued to pour. he tried to stop crying, but the tears continued to pour despite his best efforts. “it’s okay Janus, you’ve been too strong for a long time, its our turn to return the favour,” Virgil whispered into his ear. another several sets of arms wrapped around him to the best of their abilities.

She asked me, "Son, when I grow old, Will you buy me a house of gold? And when your father turns to stone, Will you take care of me?"

Things were far from fine. That was for sure. But in that moment… he knew why he was crying and it wasn’t from sadness or loneliness or the never-ending coldness that laid over his heart that slowly seemed to be filling up with something warm.

The tears were from the overwhelming love he felt the others giving him despite all he had done. the warm looks given his way. he didn’t deserve them. But it felt so nice.

I will make you queen of everything you see, I'll put you on the map, I'll cure you of disease.

He himself was by no means going to be okay for a long time… but this?

This was a start.

#Janus sanders #janus angst #Roman sanders #Sander sides #thomas sanders #virgil sanders #patton sanders #logan sanders #remus sanders #ive finally got a story out!#yay!#angst warning #tw self harm #tw crying #angst angst baby

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blazing-nymph · 5 years ago

Text

~Warm touches~

Genre: fluff, bullet scenario

Summary: In which y/n, tries to save Bomin from the harsh cold, but ends up in an unexpected situation.

OkaY so

its your normal winter day

you know, the ones that dont include snow because the universe hates you

but the temperature is like South Pole cold

yeah I love those days not

anyway so you’re out and about

why you’re out in such weather you ask and on your day off?

Well, the kids were done with their schedule earlier than expected and had some free time before they resumed

you wouldn't pass on an opportunity to see them ofc

so minutes later you show up near the park that their next photoshoot was taking place

carrying more food than you can manage

cause we have to feed the kids right Woolim? Jk I know you feed them well, ilysm

you have no idea why

but they always manage to smell the food from miles away

they’re like little hyper hyenas

so they kinda attack the bags you hold

and later realize your actual presence

“oh hi y/n!”

you cant actually get mad at them cause they are super cute

so you just chuckle ,greeting them back

now now

not every one of the boys acts like a cave goblin when they encounter food

and you can bet your ass that THE Choi Bomin wasnt gonna have dirt on his clothes for some mere snacks

cause he knows he can snipe them away from his members within seconds

so he just let his subjects collect the precious loot for him as he walked towards you

“y/n” he chirped, unconsciously wearing the biggest smile ever

“you came early” he exclaimed

“yeah, I came as fast as I could! I just wish the snacks are enough” you chuckled, witnessing them being devoured

“don’t worry about that, the staff already bought as some food so we’re full~”

“it sure does not look like it” you laughed

“you might wanna get in there, I dont know for how long they’ll last”

“no its ok~ besides I should keep you company” he smiled down at you

your face flashed a little, making your already cold, pink ears brighter

“well in that case” you reached for your backpack and after some seconds pulled some of his favorite flavored chips

“here~” you gestured “your favorite”

“thank you~” he chuckled shyly

but he didnt reach for it

you tilted your head confused

“you want to have it later maybe?” you questioned but bomin was quick to shake his head

“n-no its not that! Im just...a little cold” he shivered

taking a second look at him

it was then when you realized

his nose and cheeks were red from the cold

and he had no scarf

you noticed his hands were not inside the pockets of his jacket

cause the jacket had no pockets (what jacket has no pockets???)

and above all

he did not wear any gloves

so he was just rubbing his hands together

poor thing was shivering

you mentally swear to yourself cause

yOU SHOULD HAVE NOTICED EARLIER THAT THE CINNAMON ROLL IS COLD YOU BASIC B-

*inner peace*

but to your defense

you blamed his freaking smile

cause it ALWAYS made you forget what day it was all together so

“Bomin, where are your gloves?? You are shivering!”

“I kinda forgot them back at the dorm..?” he cried

“Doesn't anyone else has a pair you can borrow? A scarf or a jacket that actually has pockets???”

you scanned the area with your eyes hopping to find something

cause you were kind of freaking out at that point

“it’s not big deal, really, dont worry about i-” he tried to reassure you

but you weren't having any of this

“Choi Bomin, stop playing with your health!” you barked at him while taking off your own gloves, without giving it much thought

“y/n these are too small for me”

“im not giving you the gloves idiot, here” you said as you extended your hands towards him, gesturing at them

uhhhm

Bomin stared at your hands

then back at your face

then back at your hands

without even blinking once

Bomin.exe has stopped working

and ofc you weren't going to wait till his mind processed the situation

so you just grabbed his hands gently and pulled him closer to you

rubbing them softly and moving them towards your lips

blowing on them as gentle as possible

Bomin.exe has crashed

windows shutting down sounds

UhMMMM

you swear you’ve never seen Bomin this flustered before in the whole time you knew him

“nO-”

“y/n wait-!”

“its fine-!”

“you really dont have to do this!!”

“Please!”

“y/nnn!”

but besides all his whining and cries

he lowkeyhighkey lovES it

he really did not move an inch away from you

neither tried to pull his hands out of yours he’s a little shit im telling you

“just stay still” you mumbled as reality started to settle in

uhm yeah, taking his hands into yours wast the plan

like at ALL

????

you started blushing out of the blue cause

when the fuck did you get that bold missy???

but what was done, was done

so you kept blowing on his hands just so you could now hide your tomato red face

he went silent

and you could feel his eyes on you the whole time

“...thank you” he whispered softly

“..I just don’t want you to get sick…” you mumbled underneath your breath

and you heard him chuckle in his low voice

pls have mercy on me lord??

anywaY

so you were like this for like

a couple of minutes

before hell broke loose

and by that I mean Jangjun noticed the two of you in the back

yeahh I know

good fucking luck with that

“and just what are you two love birds doing back there??”

you just witnessed eight heads turning back to look at you in unison

wide eyed and mouths stuffed with food

“I-it’s not like that!” Bomin’s voice cracked

which did not help your case at all

“His hands were cold!!” you cried

“A HA” he grinned back at the both of you

you could practically see the devil horns growing on top of his head with each passing second

as the teasing was starting to become unbearable

you glanced back at Bomin

giving him an apologetic smile before forcefully letting go of his arms

and completely turning your body away from his in embarrassment

now, you would think that out lovely maknae would be just as shy and flustered, right?

honey

listen

imma change your whole entire world view rn

you’d think he’d still be protesting but he'd gone so silent

you wanted to check on him and what you’ve seen, oh boy

he was just standing there besides you

glaring DAGGERS at his memebers no thats not a typo for ruining a perfect moment

he was sooooo pissed

you may have found it super entertaining, not gonna lie

few minutes later and the teasing was still running somewhat strong among some of the boys

“Hey, y/n! Could you please warm my hands as well? It’s getting really cold by the second! Please??” Joochan pleaded

you were at the point where you did not mind the teasing at all

but Bomin was not quite there yet

“Then put them inside your pockets hyung” he barked back annoyed

petty af Bomin anyone?

You held back your laughter as much as you could

he was so adorable

you just wanted to squish and smooch his cheeks

so as you were drifting away more and more into your day dream

Bomin caught Tag & Jangjun whispering secretly, while glaring at your direction

which usually only meant one thing:

Trouble™

he looked back at you

ofc, you were totally unaware

so he decided to put his big boy pants on

and take matters into his own hands

we love a confident baby boy

he approached you casually

and stopped inches away from your body

contemplating on what should his next step should be

he glanced down at your hands

and he was ecstatic to find out that not only you did not have put your gloves back on

but your hand was casually hanging outside your pocket as well

coincidence? We will never know~

*wink wink*

taking a deep breath

he assertively reached for your hand

and with swift and delicate handling

he cupped it into his and placed it inside your pocket

smooth Choi Bomin, smooth

your daydream popped like a bubble once you felt his skin against yours

why was it so hot suddenly?

the winter cold felt like a spring breeze

you turned your head in surprise only to find Bomin smiling sheepishly back at you

yet the slight dusting of pink gracing his cheeks and ears gave away his feelings

right then and there

you both knew

that was it

you felt his fingers tighten around yours

as your eyes smiled back at him

and just like that

you both started to talk casually about your day

like nothing has ever happened

hands still lovingly tangled inside your pocket

it was then

when you finally spotted a very confused Jangjun, with his jaw on the floor

looking at you dumbfounded

damn, his maknae was working fast

Bomin, now feeling reassured

and extra sassy I might add

he confidentially turned to his elder member and with the most serious face possible he went

“My hands are still cold.”

tell me he’s not like that I daRE you

you snorted, trying to compress your laughter

yeah

this was going to be fun

#golden child scenarios #golden child #golcha #golcha scenarios #golden child scenario #golden child imagines #golden child blurps #kpop scenarios #goldeness #Choi Bomin #golden child bomin #choi bomin scenario

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vanchlo · 4 years ago

Text

The Assistant / Chapter Thirty-Three, “If It Kills Me”

A story about what happens when she can’t be just his assistant anymore, and he can no longer be only her boss. Now, can they be happy with being just friends?

Read this story from the beginning here! :-)

Inspo tag here!

*NEW* Spotify playlist in the works can be found here, songs that inspire me for the story and have significance in the story c:

Warnings: one brief mention of vomiting, and some mild language.

SNEAKY PEEEEEEEEEEEK

“And Becky’s face consumes my thoughts, much like it’s been captivating my conscience as of recent. Rather unsurprisingly.

There it remains for days, much like it has been. It follows me through the air as I stare out the window, floating above the clouds. It crops into my conversations, leeching any enjoyment gathered from them. I even see it in a crowd of people inside the walls of the courtroom before I deliver my closing statement. When I look a second time, I’m disappointed to find the eyes of a stranger.

I only find a respite from longing for her face when I turn my phone off, trying to stop wondering why she won’t return my texts. That thought only sticks to all of my others during the coming week with more ignored texts, craving her voice, and sufficing for browsing her Instagram. Her face. That smile. The smell that sat in the corner of her neck. I miss all of it.”

Song Inspiration: If It Kills Me by Jason Mraz (click to listen)

“It’s like before it’s gonna storm, you know? You can’t see it, but you can feel it, like this, uh electricity, you know?” - Steve Harrington, Stranger Things

The warm rays hit my cheeks as my sandals pound on the pavement. I wonder how I could ever be unhappy given the May sun shining down on me, and walking from my favorite restaurant. Without fail, the blissful idea is stolen away by a swarm of thoughts dosed in reality. And a particular one that reminds me of what I need to do, despite the dread I’ve been feeling. Not even the former respite of Asher’s hug after our shared lunch can keep them away.

Pulling my phone from my pocket, I swipe through my apps until I find the right one. Stopping in front of my gray car, I lean against the door with a huff. My thumbs hover across the screen nervously, followed by a curse under my breath. Quickly, they flit across the screen composing words in front of my eyes. Sliding into my driver seat, I stare at the screen for a moment longer before hitting send.

I wait for the chime to come, telling me I have a new message, from him. Nervousness coats my limbs and only grows worse as the minutes tick by driving home. Waiting. But when I check my phone after walking in the door, my lock screen showing my dad and I’s smiling faces is blank.

No new messages.

Sliding off my black sandals, I pad through the shared living room and kitchen area before reaching my bedroom. My laptop beckons for me across the room on my desk, and I sit down before it. I hope that maybe if I don’t procrastinate this specific thing, maybe things will turn out a little better. But as I’m opening a study guide for Family Law’s final exam, I’m proven wrong.

The chime grabs my attention immediately, making my fingers still on the keyboard. Flitting my eyes to the lavender Speck phone case, I grow antsy at wondering who the text is from. And what it says. Inhaling nervously, I pick it up and wake up the screen. The few words of a preview I see of the text cues a sour anxiousness to grow in my stomach. Bringing my knees up onto my chair, I pull them against my chest as I open the text.

Hey I’m so sorry I’ve been terrible at texting back, finals these next two weeks are getting to me. Speaking of that I realized that I have to take a final at the time we’re supposed to get lunch in a few days. I’m really sorry but can we reschedule . . . again? I was thinking in two weeks when I’m finally free from the clutches of uni????? :(

Harry

sorry cant love. im in edinburgh all that week for a case. lets talk about it when im back. good luck w finals xx

Sighing, I type up a short response, agreeing to that. With guilt casting a shadow over me, I return my attention to the lengthy study guide. The gross feeling in my stomach remains, and with its arrival, my excitement for our lunch date is replaced with disappointment. I’ve been looking forward to it for weeks since we rescheduled it the first time, due to me messing up the dates, again. Peeking my eyes at my phone, I turn away and slump against my chair.

It’s been a month since I saw him last, and although we’ve sent a handful of texts, they haven’t been enough for me. Skye, of course, told me that there’s nothing stopping me from showing up at his office door, but she’s wrong. I don’t know his schedule anymore, and for all I know, I’d be waiting around for him. Plus, my appearance would just yell ‘desperate!’ Sometimes, I wonder what little world Skye is tucked away into that’s far simpler, not realizing I still have to work during the day, especially more so this summer.

But as the days drag on with chemo and radiation appointments, and lectures upon lectures, I think maybe Skye has the right idea being so optimistic. Maybe.

Over the next few weeks, I see him at almost every corner I turn, and it hurts more than it should after all these weeks. The ignored texts shouldn’t feel like a fresh stab wound when I see that Scrabble box in the family room, get on that very same lift, or walk past the nurse’s station I found him leaning against that morning. Nothing compares to the piano and the pang I feel in my chest at the sight of it. It comes every time I walk through those doors and am reminded of the intimacy held on those keys. No, it didn’t get easier after the first time being back there with my dad, or the fifth time. Avoiding that gray sofa like the plague only reminded me of the texts I sent him that went unanswered. I can’t blame him though, because like a bitch, I took a week sometimes to reply to him.

The tight feeling in my chest only feels heavier as I sit on the plaid couch in my childhood living room. I can’t even enjoy watching FRIENDS like I used to be able to, as their faces bring forth the sound of his laugh. It pains me to turn down their voices as I dig my phone out from under the cushions. I try not to let it get to me when I, once again, find no new text messages. My attempt is futile and it only causes me to take longer to open the phone app. By now, I know his number by heart, but my shaky hands cause me to mess up a few times.

Pressing the phone to my ear, all I can hear is its ringing and the pounding of my heart. As the seconds drag on, I’m almost certain I’ll hear the voicemail next. But then I’m pleasantly surprised, although the bitterness in my stomach blossoms.

“Hullo?” His gravelly voice pulls my lips into an instant smile. Rubbing the back of my neck anxiously, the words fall from my lips hurriedly.

“Hi, Harry.”

“Hey, how’s it goin’?” he responds curtly, a clattering noise heard in the background before he mutters a ‘shit.’

“I’m sorry, did I call at a bad time?” I ask quickly, regret filling my veins.

“No, yer fine. ‘m jus’ makin’ dinna.”

“Oh um, nice. What are you cooking?” I inquire, twirling the braided silver ring on my pointer finger. Swallowing, I wait to hear his molasses drawl again, like music to my ears.

“Jus’ a stir fry. So . . . why’d ya ring?” Harry responds, a coolness hugging his voice.

“Um, I haven’t heard from you in a while and wanted to say hi.”

“Hi,” he hums awkwardly, followed by the sound of a door closing. Squeezing my eyes shut, uneasiness falls over me in a wave. Oddly, I wonder if all of a sudden I can’t call to say hi. “Ya, we’ve both been busy. Cases fer me, an’ prolly uni an’ yer dad’s treatments fer you.”

“Yeah,” I agree aloud, my chin falling to rest in my palm. But it leaves a second later to lose my fingers in my hair. “I wanted to tell you that I finished my finals last week, so now I just have clinical left in the fall. Oh, and my dad got to ring the bell today. He’s all done with chemo and radiation after his scans all looked good. It’s hard to believe that he’s cancer-free. His doctors will, of course, have to keep an eye on him in the future to make sure it doesn’t come back, but I couldn’t be happier.”

“Tha’s wonderful, love,” Harry coos into my ear, the first notes of happiness heard in his voice. It begins to put me at ease, and cause me to think maybe something isn’t off after all. “‘m really glad t’ hear that- well both o’ those things.”

Unbeknownst to me, I find myself nodding along with his words as if I needed his confirmation. But his words stop there, and the sickening feeling that something is wrong settles back in. A small ‘yeah’ stumbles off my lips as my fingers form into a fist in my lap, debating what to say next. Or if I should ask what I’ve been wanting to say the entire time.

“We weren’t able to get ahold of each other a few weeks ago to reschedule lunch. Would you still like to?” Going out on a limb, I let the words fly.

I watch for them apprehensively, uncertain if they’ll take flight. The loud sound from his side, the subsequent shuffling, and a voice saying his name shoots them down hastily.

“‘m sorry, I gotta go. ‘ll text ya ‘bout gettin’ lunch,” Harry remarks, his words stringing together swiftly. I barely have the chance to say an ‘okay’ before he abruptly hangs up, sewing together an unwanted thought for me.

Tossing my phone to the other end of the couch, I fall back against the cushions. Turning up the volume of the telly, I avert my gaze back to the make-believe world I’ve always taken comfort in. As the phone call gnaws away at my insides, planting insecurities every few steps, I let the characters whisk me away. Even if their faces and familiar jokes will now never stop reminding me of him, and something I let go of that I didn’t know I had. I only feel worse when I realize that I knew then that he’d never send that text, and I think he knew that, too.

“Staring at it isn’t going to make it ring, y’know,” somebody states, pulling me from my webs of thoughts.

Lifting my attention away from the black screen in my hand, I catch Myles looking at me impatiently.

“Wha- ‘m sorry. I was listenin’.”

“Then what’d I just say?” he requests, the hand propped against his chin rising in a silent question.

My lips fall apart to welcome my voice, but nothing comes out. Shrugging, he receives his answer and replies with a disapproving glare.

“Hare, this is important stuff. We’re leaving for Edinburgh tomorrow for the case, it’s a huge one.”

“I know, My. Jus’ repeat what ya said, please,” I huff, batting a hand at him. His eyes roll into the back of his head when he leans back in his leather chair.

“I swear to God, Harry, I-.”

“Stop,” I retort, growing annoyed.

He plays with the point of his quiffed blonde hair before clearing his throat. Although I try to listen the second time around, my gaze is lulled back to my laptop screen. My fingers itch to touch the keys and type up words, and when Myles begrudgingly answers his ringing phone, I find my chance. Sliding my silent phone into my pocket, I click on the blue thought bubble, only to be met with disappointment. Brushing it away, my fingers fly across the keys and my words are sent with a soft hum. Soon, Myles hangs up the phone with a perturbed sigh and resumes the conversation we were having. Again, I try to return to the bubble we share and the words that occupy it, but my mind is consumed with the anticipation of that coveted ding. And with Becky’s face, much like it’s been captivating my thoughts as of recent. Rather unsurprisingly.

It crowds my mind when I wait for the boarding call, tapping my fingers along the screen and watching the words be sent off. I only find a respite from longing for her face when I turn my phone off, trying to stop wondering why she won’t return my texts. That thought only sticks to all of my others during the coming week with more ignored texts, craving her voice, and sufficing for browsing her Instagram. Her face. That smile. The smell that sat in the corner of her neck. All of it. I miss all of it. It gnawed away at me slowly, and terribly, burying doubts beneath my defenses. They sprang up when I least expected them, and when I thought about sending just one more text. A few words wouldn’t hurt anything, I thought, but at the same time, I distrust the ultimate impact they could have.

The pounding jars me from my reverie, bringing me to my feet slowly. Padding past the television and kitchen area, a yawn jumps from my lips. Another pound lands on the door, dragging my brow into a knot.

“Oh, shuddup!” I exclaim in disbelief, wrapping my fingers around the smooth metal of the door. Yanking it open, I find the grinning bearded face of my mate standing on my stoop. “‘m not goin’, Rore, I already told ya this.”

“C’mon, Harry, I’ll look like a right idiot being there all alone,” Rory responds, his steps telling me he’s following me inside once I turn around. “Help a mate out here.”

“Ya, ‘coz ya were so helpful tha otha day when I asked ya t’ consult with me fer the Starkey case.” Scoffing, his words pause between his lips as I fill a glass of water from the attachment on the fridge. “Why’re ya goin’ anyways, since it sounds like sumthin’ yer dreadin’? And since when d’ya even go t’ these sorta things? Last place I thought ‘d see you at, Rore.”

“I don’t, but it’s for me sister’s showing. I can’t miss it, she’s me baby sister. I’d hear about it from me mum for weeks.”

Snorting, I have to pull the glass of water away from my lips.

“Hope ya bloody choke on that water, mate,” Rory scoffs, only making me laugh harder. Water flies from my lips as I’ve forgotten the glass on the marbled countertop. “Are ya coming or not, Harry? Ya know it’s a good place to pick up chicks, too. They blooming love these art gallery places.”

Recovering from my fit of giggles, I turn my head to find Rory waiting with the question in his eyes. He huffs and riffles a hand through his tousled blonde hair a few shades lighter than that which covers his face. Shaking his head, he wiggles his head at me.

“I’ll consult with you on the next case, or even give ya first pick,” he whines, folding his hands together under his chin, as if he’s praying.

“‘m yer bloody boss, I always get first picks,” I murmur, a smile cracking at the end of my words.

“Oh, fuck off, would you?” he spits, pushing at a chair in front of the seated bar attached to the kitchen island. Clucking his tongue, he messes with the collar of his navy blue blazer thrown over a bloody Zeppelin shirt. Yeah, you sure look artsy there, Rore. But with the next words that fly from his sailor’s mouth, he pins me down. “What’re ya gonna do here anyways, sit and watch the bleeding telly all in your lonesome when ya could be with me getting damn a date?”

Biting my lip, my house slippers come into my view and when Rory’s eyes find them, a laugh explodes from his lips. “Go hurry up and bloody change before you’re too far gone, mate. I’ll be in the car,” he titters before his voice falls with a delighted sigh. Delight found in my pain.

“Two cases, Rore. Any two cases I want, ya consult with me on. Ya got it?” I argue, following on his footsteps.

“Whatever makes ya feel better, mate. I know you'll be thanking me later tonight.”

“Doubt it,” I mutter, watching him open the door, sure there’s a sly grin covering his face.

I turn to jog up the stairs until I arrive in my bedroom. Quickly, I toss on skinny jeans, a Keith Haring shirt, and a mustard button up smattered with faded white flowers. I look rather artsy, I reckon, I decide as I look at myself in my bathroom mirror. It’s an easy feat when you’re standing next to wannabe Rory over there, though. After taming my hair and finding a pair of shoes, I pad down the stairs.

“Alexa, turn off all o’ my lights,” I announce, slipping my wallet and phone into my pocket as my hous darkens around me.

“Take fucking long enough?” Rory groans when I slide into the passenger seat of his silver Sentra.

“Shuddup and drive, will you? So we can get this ova with.”

“If you’re gonna be an ass tonight, then just go back inside,” he almost laughs, beginning to back away from the towering walls of my house.

“Talking ‘bout yerself, are ya now?” I quip, bringing my phone from my tight pockets, tapping in my passcode.

“I’ve noticed, y’know,” he mumbles, barely loud enough for me to hear him. Looking up from the bright screen, his eyes don’t stray from the road. “There’s a girl, isn’t there? Or there was?” he continues, a man I’ve come to love over the last three years he’s worked with me. And somehow I thought I had fooled him, but it turns out, I haven’t. I can’t even fool myself.

“Sumthin’ like that,” I whisper, my attention straying back to the conversation lit on my screen. Another day of the ball being in her court, and she just leaves it in the bloody corner, neglecting it. “I see why ya wanted me t’ come now . . . jus’ don’ try t’ set me up with yer bloody sista. She’s like twenty.”

His hearty chuckle fills the space around us, the words of a song from Death Cab for Cutie lurking in the background. “I won’t, but y’know she’s not gonna let ya out of her sight, mate. She’s had the hots for you from day one.”

“Oh God, Rore, what’d I let ya drag me into here?” I joke, my lips curling into a nervous smile. But the smile feels good, and it feels even better when her name disappears from my screen, and I forget my phone in my pocket.

“What happened to making me dinner?” I whine from the couch, crossing my left leg over the other under the comfort of my blanket.

“That was when you were busy, and well, the other day when I was feeling generous. Not today, missy,” Skye scoffs, the sound of the fridge shutting marking her words. Something lands in my lap with a plop, startling me.

“Wow, how gourmet. Why thank you, I definitely don’t need to make dinner now,” I joke, picking up the wrapped piece of string cheese.

“I know you’re still going to eat it. Just eat cereal or something, you hobo. I’m going to bed at a decent time, unlike somebody.”

“Hey, it’s a Friday!” I argue, pressing the page down button on the remote, waiting for something to catch my eye on Netflix.

“Yeah, and some of us still have a job on Saturdays!” she calls from her journey down the hall.

“Party pooper!”

She remains silent on the defensive line, and so does the list of boring content on the television screen. Relenting, I click over to My Stuff and press play on the next episode of FRIENDS. Relaxing into the cushions, I unwrap the cheese and slowly eat it in strings. Giggles flow from my lips watching the scene unravel in front of me, and some eye-rolls because of Ross or Monica. After a while, my legs stray to the fridge, and I return to the tan sectional with a bowl of Cheerios. The milk threatens to spill over the side when I sit up suddenly, almost yelping in laughter at the scene when Monica and Rachel lose their apartment to Chandler and Joey. The sugary Cheerios soon disappear, and the milk follows them as the episode nears the end.

Placing my bowl and spoon in the dishwasher, I hurry back to the sofa to catch a Phoebe scene. My cheeks warm with a smile, but they soon grow cold when my thoughts have to interrupt with a memory of his face. That god awfully sweet smile adorned with his cherry lips and precious dimples. Without knowing what I’m doing, the cartoon looking app appears under my nose, and pictures fill my feed. I take a second look at a few of them that catch my attention, the angry voices of Rachel and Monica tickling at my ears.

Soon, the search bar materializes and although it feels wrong, I type in letter after letter to create his name. I can’t remember the last time I glanced at his profile, just to catch a hint of him. Finding the profile I’ve become familiar with, I tap on his picture and wait for his profile to load. Glancing away, the tv captures my attention once more as I scratch at an itch on my leg. Yawning, I rub at my eye before it falls back to the blindingly bright screen. Blinking hard to clear the haze from my vision, I scroll down to see what new pictures he’s posted, although they’re usually few and far between.

I find the most recent picture I recognize and tap through them. Picturesque shots from high in the clouds. His unbelievably adorable niece. Food-grams. A picture of a homemade pizza is making my mouth water and is still stuck in my mind when I happen upon the next photo, and the most recent one. The moisture in my mouth is wicked away, suddenly bone dry when the image in front of my eyes slowly registers with me. But I can’t believe it, even though I’m seeing it. I don’t want to see it, or believe it. The moisture reappears in the corners of my eyes quickly as a sourness quickly knits together in my gut. The image shakes in my hands and then blurs in my eyes, accented by the thrashing of my heart inside of my chest.

“Skye!” I shout, the words leaping from my lips with little success.

My lip wobbles and I feel my entire face collapse from pain, disbelief, the whole shebang. The sob screaming from my lips is muffled by my fingers coming to my mouth.

“No, no, no, no, no,” I mutter, inhaling fast and feeling the tears in my throat. Because I can feel it everywhere in my body - the pain. In my eyes, my stomach, my hands, and my chest. The sight of Harry’s lips touching that of another girl’s sends knives into my heart, and my stomach roiling. “T-this can’t . . . ,” but my words escape me, because the multitudes of feelings punished with anguish and despair course through me.

“Skye!” I yell again, not realizing that I’ve gotten to my feet. I stumble at first, feeling the weakness reach my legs. Her name leaves my lips wet with tears as I run past the kitchen and down the hall.

Pushing open her door, darkness meets my eyes, and I swear in that moment it swallowed me. Hitting me, I grab the doorframe and feel my forehead fall against it. Leaning there for support, the sobs roll through me, the very reason still clutched in my hand.

“Whaaaaat?” she groans tiredly from her bed across the room.

But I only reply with a sob of her name, hiccups havocking my chest. My hands claw at the wall, darkness coating my eyelids.

“Ree?” Skye asks groggily, the click of her lamp following her words. “What happened? Are you alright?” she hurries, the pillowy patting of her covers being thrown back meeting my ears.

Her arms wrapping around me are almost numbing, and do nothing. And feel like nothing. But when I feel my head meet her chest, the slowed-down world I lived in for those few seconds vanishes.

“Skye, I-. . . ,” I attempt, once again falling up short as tears suffocate my voice, much like they’re making me feel. Shakily, I press my phone into her hand as I try to find safety in her arms.

I wait and then am rewarded with her intake of breath followed by a sigh. “Holy fuck,” she whispers, and retaliates by pulling me closer against her. “Come here, Ree.”

She walks me over to her bed and helps me under the covers until I’m surrounded by them, and her arms.

“Who i-is she?” I demand sloppily, searching for something to hold onto and to anchor myself with. I’m compensated with the smooth fabric of her shirt that I cling to the back of, my head falling into her hair. The mundane scent of strawberries wafting from her body tries to relax me, but to no avail.

“Ree-,” she begins, but I don’t let her start, let alone finish.

“I want to kn- I need to know,” I respond, sniffling against the warm expanse of her neck. There’s shuffling next to me before she sighs, and I sense the light of my phone. Tapping prods at my hearing as I try to form coherent thoughts.

I’m met with images of him. Harry. His dark curls, the way his eyes crinkle when he laughs, and the high-pitched giggle that accompanied my tickling as well as his own. The intruding memories rack my body with shaking sobs, pressing my lips together as new tears gush over them. My belly contracts with each sob, and I don’t even register the cramping in my hands from holding on so tightly.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Skye hums warily from above, pulling my head into her neck, leaving her arm there to shield me from her words. Or the image that I can’t remove from my mind even if I tried. It’s burned there indefinitely now.

His arms in a blue button-up surrounding her and his lips enveloping hers. A smile creasing his cheeks with happiness, and spreading to those of her dark cheeks. Her curvy body pressed against his, flowing ebony curls tickling her chocolate skin.

“Tell me.”

“Okay,” Skye caves, the tips of her fingers running marathons along my back, in attempts to calm me down. But I don’t know if the tried and true will work this time, although it has for every other, even when my dad’s life was painted with the C-Word. “She’s a London based artist, does some sculpting and gallery work locally. According to her Instagram account, anyways.”

“I asked . . who is she?” I repeat, my voice wavering under the dominance of the tears.

“Her name’s Bailee Taylor.”

“W-what does her page look . . . like?” I request, exhaustion blanketing me, and only adding another feeling to the rest. Blinking away the tears, I try to take in a deep breath, but my memories hit me with the safety I felt in his arms. Unwaveringly.

“It looks like they’re . . dating,” Skye announces quietly, squeezing me around the middle. The confirmation I didn’t know I’d been searching for hits me like a train, knocking the air out of me again. And all of a sudden, hatred pulses through me, asking me where to lay it. Where to feel it. “There’s a few pictures of them on her feed, looks like they met maybe a few weeks ago.”

“Why?” jumps from my lips finally, taking a nosedive to join a sea of unanswered questions. The word shakes the second it leapt from my tongue, and somehow it hurts more than all of the rest. “I h-hate him,” I cry, my nose smushing against her skin when I try to hold onto her tighter than I already am.

“No, you don’t,” she coos, raking her fingers through my hair slowly, and carefully.

“I know, b-but I wish I could,” I answer, the memories dancing through my head at hyper speed. Falling asleep in his arms, and waking up in them. The tickling fight. The almost kiss. The Scrabble game. Waking up to find him waiting there in the doorway. Him coming back even after the way I treated him. Finding him standing there at the front of the lecture hall. The reprieve of being in his arms again after so long spent away from them. And then, like a wall, my mind runs into the strings of unanswered texts. The canceled lunch dates. The both of us ignoring the other’s texts, but then at the end, it was him. It was him who was awkward during the last phone call. He hung up on me abruptly, and I heard somebody else was there. Was it her? It’s possible they would have already been together by then. He said he’d text me to set up lunch, and he never did.

“It won’t make you feel better,” she murmurs, cupping my head with her palm. The sound of tears edging at her words only makes mine come harder, and the feeling in my gut grows louder.

“Then what will?” I beg, wondering if I’ll ever forget the taste of the salty tears. A taste I thought I could forget just late last month when my dad was cured. News that I told him, and had been impatiently waiting to do all day. “I thought I was just feeling okay again, Skye.”

“I know, Ree, I’m so sorry,” she returns, placing her cheek against mine, the first tear peeking through in her voice. “I’m sorry.”

I unpeel myself from her anxiously, kicking away the blankets before my feet land on the floor.

“Where are you going?” she almost demands, the sound of her following me far away.

“I’m gonna be sick,” I confess, rushing down the hall before falling to my knees in front of the toilet. The Cheerios and milk from earlier make a reappearance, along with the string cheese, and mushy contents of my other meals.

Running a cold cloth along my face, Skye kneels in front of me, her face painted in sadness.

“How can it hurt so much, Skye, when he wasn’t even mine?” I croak, focusing on the lone tile in our bathroom that doesn’t match the rest of the flooring.

“I think you’re wrong, he was yours, Ree.”

“I was so close. I fucked up, again,” I weep, my lips collapsing with yet another sob.

“Don’t say that, don’t,” she insists, tucking her hair behind her studded ear when it goes every which way with the shaking of her head. “You can’t blame yourself for this.”

“It’s not your fault.”

“It feels like it is. She’s so pretty . . Of course she is,” I remember aloud, breathing in quickly before the tears take hold of me once more. Closing my eyes, I reach out for her and let my head rest against her shoulder.

“She really isn’t, Ree. A big pair of tits doesn’t make you pretty, and anyways, you’re far prettier. He could do much better, like you.”

“You’re just saying that,” I confess, trying to swallow, but my throat has tied itself into knots with the thoughts of him. And when that word falls out of bed inside of my head, I find that it can hurt worse. “I was his Becks, Skye, I thought it was right there. That it was gonna happen for us.”

“Oh, Ree,” she cries, sniffling against my hair when she pulls me against her. “I know, I’m so sorry . . so sorry.”

Nodding into her chest, it feels right as her necklace digs into my wet cheek. My jaw aches from clenching my teeth, and so does every other part of my body in some way. Somehow I let her bring me back to her bed, and hide me away in her arms. My head swims with questions, then fleeting hatred for him, and inconsolable longing the very next. I shed a tear for his smell, his contagious smile, that Scrabble game we’ll never finish, the churros I’ll never be able to eat again without him ruining them for me, the color of his eyes I could never forget, and the lost feeling of his lips I never got to kiss. The list miles long of things I never got to say to him, or do with him, or make him feel. Because now she does, and she isn’t me.

“I-I thought . . that he felt the same way about me, and that somehow he knew that I loved him.”

A whimper escapes Skye’s lips as my tears fall into her neck, adding to the puddle I’ve shed there.

“What does she have that I don’t? Am I not interesting? Does she have a nicer body than I do? Am I not pretty enough? Was I not nice enough or appreciative of him?” I weep, the questions flowing off my lips from the recesses of my mind. My name greets my ears firmly, but I ignore it. “I was trying to answer his texts when I could, but things got so busy with uni and my dad. All the driving, the tests in both places, and I couldn’t keep dates right in my head. Maybe if I’d texted him back sooner that one time, or made the lunch date on the right day the first time-.”

“Becky, don’t do the ‘ifs’ thing,” Skye urges, pulling the covers further up our shoulders before returning to combing my hair back again and again.

“But I can’t stop thinking about what went wrong, a-and how much I miss him, Skye. I miss him a hundred times more after seeing that picture,” I reveal, falling into her, my lips meeting her shoulder. My teeth dig into my skin and I let them, numb to the pain as the same word is too busy with my mind. “I don’t know if I ever wanna see him again.”

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to.”

“But I do want to, I’ll always want to. Like something inside of me will always want him.”

The sunlight streaming in through the windows is the first thing I see when I awake. Ducking my head back under the covers, I pull them over me with a groan. The blissful ignorance of the first few minutes after waking up follows me, until it all comes crashing back.

“Are you awake?” a voice murmurs, sleep clinging to it.

“Unfortunately,” I whisper, staring into the muted light underneath the gray covers.

“I can stay home if you want me to, I was just making some breakfast,” Skye responds, the tapping of her feet along the floor following.

“No, don’t cancel your hair appointments because of me. I’ll be . . I’ll be fine,” I tell her, but then the tears greet me good morning.

“Oh, Ree, I’ll cancel and we can watch movies all day, or FRIENDS. Whatever you want,” she announces. The bed falls to one side when she sits on the edge, and I feel her hand find my back.

“Thanks, I was hoping you’d say that,” I return, turning around and sitting up to dive into her arms. “I was hoping I had dreamt it all and it was just a bad dream. But my life is the bad dream.”

“Oh, Ree,” she coos, surrounding me with her arms. “I know this is cliche and it doesn’t feel like it, but it’ll get better.”

“I don’t know about that. My life is a running joke lately because it feels like it’ll get better, and then it just gets worse.”

“Your birthday is coming up, isn’t it, Becky?” somebody asks. Looking up from my cupcake, I find the face of Sophie.

“Yeah, end of next week,” I answer, picking an orange sprinkle from the white frosting to eat.

“Do you have any big plans?” my boss asks as she places her lunch in the microwave.

“My brother and I hang out every year, we’re twins.”

“Oh, how fun! I remember meeting him once when he brought you lunch one day,” she smiles, turning to face me as she waits in front of the humming microwave.

I just nod and dip my finger into the frosting, feeling it melt on my tongue a second later.

“Everything alright, love?”

“Yep, just tired is all,” I fib, taking a bite of the carrot cupcake, although I’m not wrong when I think about it. Skye has been a lifesaver for the last two weeks helping me get back on my feet. Thinking back on it and all of the tears leaves a funny taste in my mouth, but I try to brush it away with a forced smile.

“How old will you be this year, Becky?” Sophie asks, pulling out a rolling chair to sit to my right at the long table.

“Good old 26.”

“Wow, still a spring chicken, I’d say,” she comments, bringing a quirky smile to my lips. I almost follow her laugh with mine. “Well you know what, an early birthday present from me is you can have the rest of the day off. You always do a great job, Becky, and so you deserve it.”

“Sophie, I-,” I begin, my jaw falling to the floor.

“I mean it, go. Get out of here. Go do something that makes you happy, love, it looks like you need to,” she smiles, squeezing my arm from across the table. Standing to my feet, profuse ‘thank yous’ leave my lips before I leave the break room.

I drive around with my windows down, unsure of where to go instead of home. Before I know it, I find myself walking into my favorite little coffee shop. I’ve always loved to hang out here with a cup, reading a book, doing homework, or just relaxing on one of their sofas.

Soon, I sit down with a Cubano sandwich and an iced cinnamon roll coffee, my very favorite. Pulling a book out of my work bag, I crack it open to the first page, unable to remember when I last had the time to read a book for fun. The words of Ruth Ware stare back at me, slowly drawing me into a made-up world, and away from the desolate one trying to swallow me.

Quickly, I’m grateful for the respite from the thoughts mucking up my mind. Instead I lose myself in the sentences that spin a scary story, thanking my old self for stashing something besides a romance in my bag. That’s the last thing I could even think about indulging in right now. For some reason, the mystery entices me, a genre I’ve always had a love for. I think, especially now, it’s the aspect of being able to solve a mystery, and to fix a problem. If only I could do that now, I wish silently with a spiteful snort.

Placing my empty plate on the return area by the cash register, I return to my cozy spot on the couch and to my book. Losing my fingers in my hair, I prop my head up and open the book to where I had left off. Soft indie music trickles from the speakers as conversations float around me. Several more sofas are dotted around the large room and booths, as well as tables varying in sizes. Friends play board games borrowed from the shelf by the fireplace, and others do schoolwork or actual work. A laugh from behind the counter echos through the room, right as the bell on the front door jingles. Although across the room, I can hear the voices floating in from the sidewalk. Cars honking and birds chirping. The sounds make me itch to leave the air-conditioned room, and bring my reading outside into the June sunshine.

The words covering the pages root me to the spot, but they can’t protect me from what I hear. It’s a voice that I know inside and out, from the shortened words to the often used words. My vocal cords soon begin to tangle into knots in my throat at the mere noise. Beneath my baby blue blouse, there’s a clobbering in my chest as the voice grows near and then stops. Instinctively, hair falls through my fingers as I lower my head, wishing to remain unseen. Unknown.

I can’t stop myself, and there I am looking up to see that crinkly-eyed smile through wrenching tears.

Harry.

23 notes · View notes

neocityarchive · 5 years ago

Text

dear dream (ldh) | part 1

word count: 2.8k

warnings: language

chapter summary: Horrible as it may sound, but it seemed as if you were starting to forget what it was like to love him.

a/n: so there’s a lot of narration in the beginning but pls be patient :> ajdaskl also please let me know what you think. thank u, love u.

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You were starting to forget. It’s been eight months after Donghyuck left for training and you were starting to forget everything.

You were starting to forget how his voice sounded on the phone at night, tired and hoarse after a long day but still managing to say sweet things subtly hidden under his teases and cheeky remarks. You were starting to forget how his lips felt on yours, on your cheeks, on your temples, at the top of you head… on your neck. You were starting to forget how his slim fingers fit in the spaces between yours and how his thumb rubs against the back of your hand out of habit. Horrible as it may sound, but it seemed as if you were starting to forget what it was like to love him.

It’s ironic, though. It seemed too soon considering how you were like the first few weeks. Even when he left, he was everywhere. The two of you didn’t break up, with the promise of seeing each other again, the promise of him coming back to you. But it still felt like that… maybe worse. He was gone but you could see him in every store you used to drag him to. You could hear him in every song, even the shitty ones with repetitive riffs and lyrics. He loves random dancing to those. Almost every night, he would appear in your dreams, either as flashbacks or as random scenes.

That is until it started to fade. Your mind that was once filled with Donghyuck has slowly been filled with a lot of something elses.

Things changed faster than you expected them to. You were still on the same job at the bookstore with Taeil who has been promoted to manager. But you went to college where you met a senior who also happened to be your upstairs neighbor. His name is Doyoung. You endorsed him to a job at the bookstore and now you’re colleagues. Both he and Taeil are the closest friends you have at the moment.

Your parents were now retired after securing your future. They sold the house, moved to a smaller place in Busan, and started a barbecue business there. You found a nice starter apartment and started drafting your book once again, but getting nowhere.

And in all those changes, the one person who you’ve always imagined would walk every step of the way with you weren't there.

“I’ll be back before you know it,” he said that day. You never understood that statement. It didn’t really make sense no matter how much you thought about it, but it’s the one thing that repetitively plays on your mind. For some reason, it always gave you hope and a weird longing for tomorrow. But as days passed, you realized it really wasn’t enough.

Three months after Hyuck left and the dreams became lesser. You have already opened nine out of twelve of his letters, most of it was because you just wanted to experience his thoughts again. You miss him, but the new environment made it easier to get him off your mind every once in a while.

Six months, the dreams were rare. You missed him more than ever. There was one night when you were alone in your apartment, feeling shitty because you’re not making any progress on a report that was due the next day. You knew if he was there, he’d motivate you to work harder. You knew if he was there, it would all be different. But he wasn’t. So you opened the last letter.

“Read… when you’re mad or upset that I’m not there,” you read out loud. “As if this is going to change anything.”

It didn’t. He still wasn’t there. You drafted a reply, just wanting to let it out of your system. After reading what you wrote, you hated yourself for it. You crumpled the paper and threw it in your drawer, not having the heart to toss it into the garbage itself.

And by the eighth month… the dreams were reduced to none. You almost didn’t notice it, until one night your neighbor was watching the TV too loud. You knew it was his voice that was singing even through the thin walls. You’d recognize it anywhere. You realized you haven’t thought about your boyfriend much lately. It has gotten to the point where you begin to wonder whether it is still right to call him your boyfriend anymore.

You cried that night, feeling guilty. The aching in your chest forced you to open that letter again, the one you’ve read the most: read… when you miss me.

Your eyes scanned the words but you’ve already memorized it by heart.

“I’ll be back before you know it,” you read, muttering to yourself, and before you could stop your tongue, you said, “Bullshit.”

You scribbled on a notepad on your desk: It’s been 8 months since the last time… I’m getting tired. Are we still… us?

Seeing as you thought you’ve forgotten, you were surprised to dream about him again for the first time in a while. It was about the day he told you he was leaving. You still remember the barrage of emotions you felt right then. Those same emotions mirrored themselves in your chest that night, leading to tearstained pillow cases.

“Just… don’t forget about me while you’re there.” You choked down a sob. “Promise me.”

“I promise. I’ll be back before you know it.”

You tossed and turned in your sheets. Bzzt, bzzt, bzzt!

You groaned, your hands desperately looking for your phone somewhere on your bed to turn off the goddamn alarm.

You sighed to yourself, frowning at the sensation of the wet pillow on your cheek. “Fuck my life. It’s too early to be sad.”

You forced your eyes open to check for any notifs on your phone. It was just a bunch of emails from your professors and a few texts from your mom. But at the bottom of the list, received at 2:01 AM today… followed by 9 other tabs.

You blinked and then pinched yourself, trying to see if you were still dreaming. But you weren’t. It’s really there. With a deep breath and a fluttering heart, you tapped on the notification, watching it expand.

hyuckie: y/n!!!

hyuckie: i cant believe im saying this but..

hyuckie: i hope your habits are as bad as i remember :(

hyuckie: please be awake?

hyuckie: i really wanna talk to you, i miss you so much!! ㅠㅠㅠㅠ

hyuckie: but i guess you’re asleep now

hyuckie: which is good!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

hyuckie: so i’ll talk to you in the morning?

hyuckie: goodnight :>>

You sat up, reading and re-reading the texts. It didn’t seem real. Was it...? Is this some kind of joke fate was playing on you? After almost a month of barely thinking about him, Donghyuck once again let his existence known.

You gulped, the guilt almost eating you inside as your fingers found their way to your keypad.

You: hyuck…?

You: is this real???? are you back??

You waited five minutes. There was no reply. The small hope that bubbled in your chest when you saw his texts dissipated almost immediately. Maybe you just didn’t want to be fooled that easily or maybe you were getting tired of holding onto something that hasn’t really been sitting fully within your reach for so long.

Still, throughout the day, you checked your phone more than you usually do. Even while crossing the pedestrian. Even when you were in a lecture. Even while walking in the hallway. Even when you were manning the cashier at work. You checked your phone too much that it annoyed those who were watching.

“Y/N, stop it. You’re being stupid,” Doyoung said after he returned from a round of stacking books. He has a habit of saying things straight to people’s faces. Usually, it’s a good thing, but it’s also very annoying.

You looked up, consciously putting your phone back in your pocket with a sigh.

“He’s still probably busy. I’m sure he just had, like, a night off and decided to text you.” He shrugged. “His agency don’t really give their artists breaks that much, especially since he just debuted.”

Doyoung sometimes works in the same agency as Hyuck. He’s always getting hired by people here and there to sing demos or background vocals. Even when you’ve only really heard him sing under his breath, it’s not hard for you to say he’s talented. Also, he gives you scoop on what’s happening inside Hyuck’s agency. They’ve met a lot. But as a favor, you made Doyoung promise not to tell Hyuck that you know each other.

Maybe it sounds wrong, but you weren’t really spying on your boyfriend. Besides, Doyoung is almost useless when it comes to updating you about Hyuck. All he ever tells you are his schedules, but that’s not what you wanted to know. Whenever you talk about him, it always goes something like

“How’s he doing?”

“He seemed okay.”

“Does he talk about me sometimes?”

“No, but we didn’t really talk much. He and his friends scare me.”

You ran a hand through your hair in frustration. Your mind was a mess. You don’t know what to feel about Hyuck finally reaching out to you, and for some reason, you wanted to explain what made him do it even if the explanation sounded ridiculous.

“He decided to text me at 2 in the morning, after eight months of nothing,” you said, glaring at him. “It doesn’t make sense. Somebody probably just played a prank on him.”

“By texting you?” Doyoung snorted.

You shrugged. “Why not?”

“That’s what won’t make sense,” he muttered.

“Nothing makes sense.” You sighed.

“And yet you check your phone every two minutes just in case he replied.” He shook his head. “Again, you’re being stupid.”

You were just thinking of a retort when a customer came up to the counter and asked if you had anything available on astrology. Doyoung only smiled at her politely but offered no answer.

“Yes, ma’am. You’ll find them on the last aisle.” You smiled at the lady. When she was gone, you turned back to your friend who was busy scanning some magazine he picked up. “I’m not being stupid.”

Doyoung snorted. “First of all, lame comeback. Second, yes, you are. You’re going back and forth between ‘oh I miss my boyfriend’ and ‘I don’t even know if I care anymore.’ And you’ve been going at it for months, Y/N! Make up your mind. You have to realize this whole situation is unfair to you. Third, you worry too much. Has he even seen your text yet?”

You frowned. You hate it when Doyoung is right, which is most of the time. It’s unfair that he’s always the one who makes sense. It’s worse because he tells you things you don’t want to hear but definitely should. You almost wish Taeil was here. Doyoung seems to be more reserved around him, though you’re not really sure why.

“He hasn’t,” you replied weakly. “But just to be sure…” You whipped your phone out again.

Doyoung groaned loudly, throwing his hands in the air in frustration. “And here we have an idiot,” he grumbled. “God, Y/N. Give yourself a break.”

You just rolled your eyes, continuing to navigate your phone until you’ve reached your message thread with Hyuck. Your eyes almost popped out of their sockets.

Read 8:41 PM

“He’s seen it,” you muttered, mostly to yourself. But Doyoung heard it, too. Even he couldn’t hide his surprise.

“He has?” He leaned over to look. “Why isn’t he replying then? It’s been a minute.”

“Baby steps. Doyoungie,” you said kindly.

“Oh, so now you're back to being a hopeless romantic?” He sighed. “God, you’re gonna’ give me whiplash. Whatever. Just tidy up the counter. We have to close soon.”

You nodded.

Doyoung went to walk around the store again leaving you alone by yourself. You left your phone unlocked, the screen still displaying Hyuck’s messages as you moved around and did your routine of fixing the counter and the displays in front of it.

You’ve arranged everything and checked the store’s valuables twice, yet there were still no changes on your phone except your battery has gone down 2%.

“He really left me on read,” you muttered to yourself. “Unbelievable.”

With a sigh, you locked your phone, giving up. Maybe Doyoung was right (again). Hyuck probably just finally had a night to himself and decided to talk to you, but you couldn’t reply. Fuck timing. It always ruins everything.

The lady from earlier came to you once again to purchase an astrology book. She smiled and said thanks after you handed the book back in a paper bag. You returned her smile, but inside you were questioning why people even believe in stars. You shrugged. Who am I to talk though? Why do I even believe in a relationship that doesn’t feel like one anymore? you thought to yourself.

As if the universe was determined to prove you wrong, your phone started ringing, vibrating against the wooden surface of the counter. When your eyes landed on the caller ID, you felt your heart drop to your stomach.

“hyuckie”

It took you a moment to react. Before you started dating, Donghyuck changed the setting of his ringtone on your phone to Stay With Me by Chanyeol & Punch. He did it as a joke to tease you, but after getting used to it, you didn’t bother to change it. You regret that decision now. The song played as if you were in some sort of romantic drama, awaiting for the male lead. It seems ridiculous to imagine, but it was enough to build the tension.

You answered the call before the vocals came in.

“...hello?” you said, your voice smaller than usual.

“Y/N?” Hyuck’s voice came through the speakers. You felt your heart clench just by the sound of it. “Hi.”

“Hyuck?” you asked, feeling stupid right after. There was no doubt it was him. But it felt surreal that he’s calling you right now that you just had to make sure.

“Who else, silly?” He laughed. “How’s my baby?”

Your face scrunched as you suppressed a scream. Why am I being like this? It’s just Hyuck, you thought to yourself, trying to calm down. But it’s Hyuck!!! You wanted to cry but you were still in public. A customer might come in at the last minute and see you bawling your eyes out. Even the thought of it makes you want to punch yourself.

“Wait, is it really you?!” You could barely hide the emotions in your voice. It was too much, a heavy mixture of excitement and nostalgia and happiness and for a reason… also sadness.

“Yes, idiot. Where are you?” He sounded a bit breathless. His voice mixed with the faint sound of traffic in the background. He was out, alright, but is he on a break? How long is this phone call going to last?

You looked around, suddenly confused, mind hazy. “I’m… where am I… um, I’m at work. Why? Where are you?”

“You’re still at work? But it’s 9,” he said.

“Yeah, we’re closing soon. Where are you? Are you on a break? Why are you calling now?” You wanted to ask so many questions but they’re all getting jammed in your mind at the moment. It doesn’t even matter since Hyuck isn’t answering any of them.

“Close it now,” he said.

“What?”

“Close the store now.”

“Why? My friend is still arranging the shelves.” You looked around for Doyoung.

“Tell your friend you have to go home,” he said before letting out a breath.

“What? But the keys are with me. Taeil would be mad if it gets lost,” you reasoned. “What are you even—”

“Just tell your friend something important came up.”

“There’s literally nothing going on in my life right now. What important thing would ‘come up?’” You snorted. “Just—”

You heard the bell hanging above the door ring, making you jump on your feet. “Shit. I have to go. We have a customer. I’ll call you, please pick up later. Imissyou,Iloveyou,byebye,” you said as fast as you could, crouching down lower with every word, hoping to hide from the eyes of whoever just came in.

You ended the call, putting the phone back in your pocket, before standing up straight, ready to greet the guest.

“Hi, how may I help…”

“Hi.” The guy smiled, chest heaving slightly, trying to catch his breath.

He was wearing a black jacket over a plain white shirt that was tucked in his jeans. The look was so simple, yet he still looked amazing. Better than your remember. Better than he appears on TV. Something about him was different, you could feel it. He looked different. He was taller and his cheeks were somehow smaller than you remembered. His hair was a different shade of brown than when you last saw. He was still slightly slouched but something about his stance is more powerful. He held himself with more pride now. And rightfully so. But underneath all of those, you could still feel it. That familiarity. That sense of security that no matter how many things have changed, he still is the same Lee Donghyuck. And somehow, despite your doubts and overthinking, you just knew he still is your Lee Donghyuck.

“Hyuck,” you said, voice faltering. You didn’t think it was this easy to have tears pooling in your eyes, but it was. Fuck, you thought. “Hi.”

He let out a chuckle upon seeing your reaction. “To answer your question, I’m your important thing that came up.”

#UM YEAH #it’s just the beginning ksjdjdj ofc #hi again #nct au series #nct au #nct haechan au #nct donghyuck imagines #nct imagines #nct scenarios #nct soft hours #nct sad hours #dear dream au series #dear dream #nct dream au #nct 127 au #nct timestamps #haechan imagines #haechan x reader #haechan au

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voidselfshipp · 5 years ago

Text

Lonely toucan.

Tommy had recently let me in his small community, I had my own little house to live in, well me , and my dog missy, a Manchester terrier.

And then I met his brother , Joel, he uh.

He was fucking cute, thats what he was.

So, y'know like, those love at first sight bullcrap?, yeah, not so much bullshit now, he and his daughter Ellie,were quite the pair, the kid got on joels nerves playfully, it kind of reminded me of me and my siblings, who were on their way here.

One day however, we needed supplies, ammo, scrap for bombs and traps, there were Many searching parties, one of them was Joel, ellie and me.

My feet drag on the ground, missy was leading the way, long and tall buildings touched the blue Sky,birds Chirped and the place was clear from infected.

-So jerico is it?- ellie asks, wanting to start a conversation- whats your story?-

-Well, im from Argentina, came here before the infection with my siblings , for opportunities, And well, then hell breaks loose and we managed to survive, I at least, left my parents behind , there wasnt much for me back there -

-oh...-the kid says-and your parents?do you know what happened to them?-

-Well, they Passed away after a couple of months after I moved here, so now they are in a better place...i wanna think at least-

And meanwhile Joel was silent , serious expression barely making any sound.

Missy halts and barks, there is a store a couple of meters away, I signal her to come here with me and i scoop her up,just in case we need to bail out.

The shop had a couple of ammo boxes and such, but mostly barren.

-How did you get missy?- Ellie inquires again while searching in a box.

-She was a rescue, after a couple of months of wandering I found her alone on a pet shop, I was astonished when I found her alive, weak but alive, me and my siblings nursed her back to health, and now she is here with me, my loyal companion -

-She is a cute one, isnt she Joel- I kneel down for Ellie to pet her, my dog barks and jumps out off my arms into Joel, licking his face and barking happily when he pets her.

-She likes you-I say,grabbing missy by her leash-come on girl, down, down- the terrier backs off and sits-I saw a room with a shit load of stuff, but equally filled with spores I have no mask-

-We'll go-Joel says, god his voice.

-Oh look!, he talks- I say, sitting with missy, he snorts and shakes his head,I catch a glimpse of a smirk - ill stay here and scan the place, If something comes ill knock on the door-They enter the room, and I just wait, petting missy-you liked Him, dontcha chica?-(girl) she barks and snuggles closer- that makes two of Us.

Meanwhile, Joel and Ellie wander trough the room.

-i saw you smirk, you never smirk with people you just met,whats up with that?-the kid asks.

-Whats up with that?, she has charm,you have to laugh at her comment, shes funny-the Man tries to dismiss the question, but there was truth in there , she was charismatic, and funny, clever even.

-And now you compliment her?, dude ,you totally have a crush on her-

-c'mon Ellie we just met-

-love at first sight is a thing-

Joel groans and both Get out of there , there was a couple of useful things, they all re Group and show what they found.

As they make their way out something stops them, missy grunts, a horde of infected are closing in, too Many to face.

So they run,jeri scoops her dog up and bolts as fast as she can, they enter a departament complex, they barricade Everything they can and sit,waiting.

Vía radio , Joel tells Tom what happened,reinforcements Will come in a bit.

Missy lays down with Joel who is catching his breath.

Jerico finds an ukelele, she hesitates but tunes it as silent as she possibly can, still, they were really far up, and the walls were thick.

-Whats that?- ellie asks.

-A ukelele, Like a mini guitar-she is done tuning it - I wrote a song, its crappy, but y'know , Something to kill the time, also to be noted, I am a hopeless romantic-

-You wrote a song with that thing?-ellie asks, pointing at the ukelele.

-Yeah-jerico nodds

-can I hear it?,please?pleaaase?- the kid pleads

Jeri quickly eyes Joel, who Is sleeping .

-Fine, but not too loud, your oldman is sleeping-

-he is not my dad-

-yeah whatever-both chuckle and jeri starts to play-Oh trough this still waters I flew, my feet barely hitting the surface.

Then I saw you, standing there, I loved every bit of it, oh , to be your River, to flow undisturbed, loving you all the way trough.

But im just a lonely toucan,a silent night owl, that longs to be something else with you.

Oh to be your River, and flow undisturbed, I love you with every ounce of my being, oh to be your River...-

-Thats...too cheesy, you werent kidding about being a hopeless romantic-jerico rolls her eyes- who is it about anyway?- ellie asks, then the older woman looks over to Joel-oh shit , well, I am going to take some fresh air, god, you are too cheesy-

Jeri chuckles and nodds.

She keeps playing unaware of Joel listening to her

--Oh to be your River,flowing trough the storms, with every ounce of my being, my heart sings along.

And even if youre rough, ill Keep flying along, to get to the waterfall.

Oh to be your River, and happily flowing along.

Oh to be your River, and flow with your love-

She is talking about him, he is the only person inside the room that she could have pointed at.

His heart flutters warmly.

Damn this crush of his.

Why does she gotta be so perfect?.

He shifts and she stops playing, then he feels soft fabric cover him, it smelt like leather, did she covered him with her jacket?.

Missy lays her body on Joel and snuggles closer.

He smiles.

-I Knew you were awake!- jerico says-Open your eyes, youre not fooling anyone-

Joel chuckles and looks at her.

-You got me- he doesnt move tho, petting missy's Head-she is really beautiful, Like you-

Jeri's cheeks burn red and looks away.

-Uh t thank you-

They Keep a comfortable silence until missy stands up and sits on the womans lap,demanding attention.

-What did you use to work,before all of this?- Joel drapes jericos jacket on her back again, she smiles at the gesture and signals him to sit close to her.

-i used to work as an animator for a company,my dreamjob really-

-what a shame, I bet you would have exceed at it -

-Heh,i Like to think the same-

Her head falls on joels shoulder, she yawns.

-didnt sleep enough last night?- the Man asks as his arm sneaks his way around her neck she snuggles closer.

-My sleep schedule is fucked-

Joel catches a glimpse of Ellie spying on them Gently peeking over a door, he waves her off and she smirks.

-sleep, you Will need it-

-But what if--

-Sleep now ,ill protect you-

Jerico nodds blushing and snuggles closer to Joel.

Eventually reinforcements arrive.

Back at toms safehouse, jeri is preparing to sleep , snuggling into her covers, herself brought them all the way here, they had the faint smell of vainilla.

A sudden movement made her jump, its Joel.

-You dumbass you scared the living crap out of me!-

Joel chuckles and hands her the ukelele.

-you lost this-

-oh thanks-she says calming down- god im so tired, but I cant sleep-

-want me to lay down with you?-

-Dude , I dont want to bother or seem like a child-she sighs- i just feel unsafe alone..-

The mans face contorns with empathy and kicks off his shoes.

-Make space, c'mon-

Jerico wasnt going to Argue, she lays down,leaving space for Joel to lay down,his arms hug her waist with her back against his chest.

He was warm, they snuggle under the covers , And missy lays down on the edge of the bed where their feet are.

- y'know-jeri says- when I was a teen, I tought that love was bull crap, a few lucky ones could enjoy it, and I was heartbroken,and I just carried this with me, just loneliness, then I saw you and god, I was just smitten-she sighs and turns her head to him-what im saying is....I have a crush on you....-

Joel is taken back but he snuggles closer, whispering a me too into her ear before kissing her, she kisses back and a trail of kisses goes down her neck.

She turns her head back again and smiles.

He hides his face on the crook of her neck and sighs in content.

They both can take a bit of time off, Togheter,just them, nothing else exists.

A sweet and soft 'I love you'loosens from the Mans lips before they crash into a well deserved And very needed slumber.

Even the apocalypse had good things.

[Fin]

#joel miller #f/o community #f/o #romantic f/o #f/o x s/i #f/o tag #s/i community #s/i x canon #s/i #fictional boyfriend #fictional other #fictional love #f/o fic #tlou joel

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storiesundercandlelight · 6 years ago

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Loving Loki - Four

Two weeks. Two uneventful weeks had passed since David and I had our day out. The day where we had also said that we would start dating each other, yet here I am sat on may couch on a Saturday morning wondering why fate and timing had been so cruel to me.

I was being selfish, I knew this yet I couldn’t help myself. So many thoughts were running through my head right now. The case was over. Detective Loki was on the news. Missing girls both found and alive. Even the father of the last girl to be found had been located after his mysterious disappearance. I wanted to be happy, I was, almost. David had been gone so much recently, the last two weeks were manic for him, not just because he solved the case but also because people seemed to blow up about this story, about the detective who had single handedly solved this brutally horrible case of the abduction of two girls.

My phone vibrated against the wood of the coffee table beside me, my eyes pulling away from the dull noise of the TV. It was David.

I know you’re mad, I’m sorry I haven’t had any time to see you. Can I come over later?

It was hard to be mad, I just couldn’t justify it. How could I be mad at someone who so patiently and passionately wanted to do his best to find the missing girl, who had risked his well being to bring her home? You just cant be mad at someone like that. But I cant deny this strange feeling inside. It had been almost three months since I moved here and the lonely feeling never fully went away. I almost cried when my friend Kate told me she was coming to visit me, I swear I couldn’t wait the three days it was going to take before she’s due to visit.

I’m not mad David, how could I be? Of course you can come over x

These little texts back and forth had been a constant part of my daily routine for the last two weeks. It was the only thing that fully reminded me that I was even in this relationship. This very new, very non-existent relationship.

Ok, I’ll be there around 5:30pm? We could order some food and watch a movie?

I had to admit he knew how to do it. Somehow he knew after so little time that I preferred to stay home and snuggle up rather than dressing up and going out. Well…except from when Kate gets here then going out is a must, the girl seems to function best under florescent lights and above crowded dance floors.

My eyes drifted to my laptop, still sat on the coffee table “Draft One” the only thing written on the screen. I tried, so so many times to get words out. God I wanted to write something. To pour my emotions out and create something that others would be still glued to at 1:00am in the morning because they simply can’t put it down without knowing the ending. I don’t know what it was but the sudden urge to leave the house was so heavy on my shoulders that I didn’t hesitate with my next text.

Skip takeout, I need milk, I’ll grab something to make for dinner x

I was pretty comfortable cooking for myself, it had been a while since I’d cooked for anyone else but the idea of trying something new with David was so exciting.

Sure sounds great x

I allowed myself a few seconds to smile at the fact that he put an x at the end of the text, its such a petty thing to notice but I did anyway. Then I jumped up, grabbed my coat, keys and bag and headed out.

The little car I’d got myself was useful enough, it wasn’t fancy or particularly expensive but it worked for me and didn’t look like a crumpled up tin can so I think I did okay. The parking lot to the local supermarket was pretty full, I didn’t expect anything less for a Saturday. But I did take notice more than once of the kids cheerfully throwing their parents groceries to each other other the carts. One wrong move and that melon is going everywhere.

I settled for teriyaki chicken, some rice and a few greens. I’d cooked it more than once and didn’t feel like a complete fool when it came to cooking it for someone else. As I walked down the isles grabbing what I need plus extra groceries for the week my phone started ringing. David?

“Hey, you okay?”

“Yeah I got a five minute break so I figured I’d call, whats that noise?”

“That would be two kids trying to decide which one of them can throw the vegetables in they mothers cart the furthest, I think they’re going for a world record”

“You’re joking right?”

“Nope, you cant make this stuff up, the floor attendant looks like he’s about to blow a fuse” I pushed myself up onto my tip toes to reach a bag of chips from the top shelf.

“If it’s the Harris kid they’ll be strung up from the ceiling by the time you leave”

“You know too many people”

“It’s a small town, so what are you cooking tonight?”

“I cant tell you”

“Why not?”

“Because if I do then you’ll have too much time between now and when you’re due over to realise you hate what I’m cooking and make an excuse not to come” I finally reached the till where a teenager was chewing gum and scanning my items at a snails pace.

“I promise I wont hate whatever you make”

“I’m gonna hold you to that when you taste it and realise that I’m an awful cook”

“Well you said awful first so maybe-“ I heard David reply to someone in the background, the till beeping and the struggle of holding the phone between my head and shoulder while packing preventing me from hearing fully what was said. “I gotta go, I’ll see you later?”

“Oh yeah, sure. See you later” The line went dead just as I’d finished paying. I grabbed my bags and said thanks to the girl who’s eyes were directly chained on the guy working the other till, she popped her gum and nodded at me without even taking her eyes off him.

The rest of the day went by pretty uneventfully, I showered, cleaned the house quickly and ended up in the kitchen. Okay, if I start the dinner prep now I can leave the chicken to marinade in the fridge and then just pull it out to cook when Davids here. I was feeling a lot more optimistic about David coming over. Maybe this would finally be the start of our relationship, no more texting and “Im sorry I couldn’t make it” calls.

I started to cut the chicken on a matt into small pieces, the rice boiling happily on the cooker beside me before hearing a knock at the door. David looked tired, but not as tired as he had been during the case, this tired was a normal kind of tired, not the kind that made him look like he was about to drop any second. As David took off his jacket I returned back to cooking, I could hear his footsteps approaching me and within a few seconds he was behind me, leaning close to me to look over my shoulder at the food. The chicken was now cooking in a pan, mixed with the veggies and sauce.

“I wont lie I could probably eat both of our portions right now” I felt a shiver run down my spine when David spoke, he was close enough that I felt his breath against the back of my ear. His hands were resting gently on my hips. I loved how easy it was to be around David despite the not so normal start we’d had. The over the phone, mostly at work and occasionally in between all of the above schedule we had seemed at first like it would never have worked but I could honestly say I was glad we’d stuck it out. The warmth of him behind me as I cooked our meal felt so right I couldn’t find anything to complain about.

“Why don’t you set the table? It’ll be ready soon” I turned my head to meet Davids gaze a soft smile tugging at the sides of my lips.

“Sure” Just as David turned to go about the job I’d set I quickly grabbed his arm. He stopped to look at me a questioning look falling over his features. I didn’t leave him waiting long before I reached up and planted a kiss on his cheek, teasingly close to his lips. As I pulled away I swore I could see the surprise on Davids face before he smiled and went to set the table. Yes I could get used to this feeling.

The food smelt and looked thankfully as good as it tasted, I poured two glasses of water while David was already happily digging into his food.

“Do they forget to feed you?”

“You have no idea” He spoke quickly before going back to his food. I smiled looking at David, ti had been so long since I’d had the opportunity to just look at him. At the department he was so rushed recently and working out regularly left very little time to fully appreciate the seemingly perfect angles of his jaw or his blue eyes that turned a stormy grey when the lighting was right.

“You’re staring”

“Huh?” I quickly meet Davids gaze, realising that he’d stopped eating and was looking at me with a small smirk. “Sorry, it’s just…I kinda missed looking at you, I haven’t really had the opportunity” I felt heat rise to my cheeks and quickly looked down at my plate.

“I know, I feel the same. I was surprised you didn’t notice me staring the other day”

“You were?”

“Yeah, you were at your desk and had this pencil hanging out of your mouth and you looked like your computer had just asked you to single handedly solve its coding, you were just so in your own world, you didn’t even notice anyone else around you, you looked pretty” David held my gaze but I could see the slight embarrassment at his confession etching over his features, he put his fork down and sighed. “I know this hasn’t been great, this whole relationship thing between us. I wanted it to be better than this but I just couldn’t think of anything but the case, I don’t normally get so involved but those girls…they need someone like me to spend too much time looking for leads and not enough time on his new girlfriend, who was well within her rights to leave me, I wouldn’t have blamed you”

“I wouldn’t have left you David. I know how hard this had been, I saw the paperwork. I don’t blame you for not paying attention to me, I couldn’t, I like you for who you are and if that includes your dedication to your work then so be it” a smile spread across Davids face and I let one spread across mine too and for a moment we did just look like two fools in love.

#detectiveloki #detective loki #detective loki x reader #jake gyllenhaal #jake gyllenhaal x reader #fanfiction

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rairahime · 6 years ago

Text

Fenrir x MC | “Hide and Seek”

☆ Ikemen Revolution Fanfic ☆

I did it! I wrote a fic that im kinda okay with!! I hope you guys like it and I hope I did Fenrir justice lol

Also, i’m sorry if the formatting is weird, but Tumblr really wont let me change it?? I hope its just a glitch on my end or something and it looks okay for you guys!!

General idea: Fenrir and mc go on a day trip out of the city and discover an abandoned building with a cool tower (OoooOoo) and they have a lil fun LOL

・・・・☆・・・・☆ ・・・・

Word Count: 1,783

Genre: Fluff

Warning: none at all:)

・・・・☆・・・・☆ ・・・・

While exploring the outskirts of the city on a rare day off, Fenrir and I stumbled upon an abandoned building. It was quite beautiful, with a large gate that had winding flowers around each bar that reminded me a lot of the designs back in my world.

The building itself was not very large, but its main redeeming feature is a tall tower with what seemed like an open air balcony and a concave roof. I thought about how the stairs up the tower would probably be completely unstable, but Fenrir insisted it probably would be fine, and in the end he convinced me to check it out as curiosity got the best of me.

These past few weeks have been quite busy for both Fenrir and I. He’s been training with the black army nearly everyday, and I’ve still been trying to get everything in order after deciding to stay in Cradle. Free days such as these were rare, so when Fenrir saw that both of us could free up our schedule today, he suggested we both go on a day trip exploring the outskirts of Cradle, which I gladly agreed with. I’ve really missed Fenrir’s Cradle tours, and would never skip out on a chance to go another one.

We both walked through the gates to find an unkept garden inside. The grass is completely overgrown, leaving the ground extremely soft to each step we took. Past the gates, the view was surreal. Hundreds of flowers were blooming, some I recognized and others I’ve never seen before. Within the thousands of dandelions, I spotted lilies, tulips, gardenias, and even some lily of the night’s. At the farthest corner by the structure I could see a pond with what seemed like lily pads delicately swaying with the soft breeze. Everything together looked like it was straight out of a picture book.

While admiring the view, a certain group of shrubs keep grabbing my attention. The leaves were a dull green and strangely large for a shrub, but what was truly interesting were the specks of pink and blue that, after blinking a few times, I figure out they’re actually glowing. I can’t tell exactly what they were, but I think they may be a berry of sorts.

Glowing berries, huh? Cradle never stops amazing me

As I continued to take in in the garden around me and the freeing open field, joy filled my heart and I impulsively started running through the grass and flowers, dragging Fenrir by the hand.

“Woah woah woah, we’ve got a runner here,” Fenrir exclaimed between bursts of laughter, his voice filling the air. Even to this day, hearing his laughter still makes my heart squeal.

“I just couldn’t help it, its so beautiful here Fenrir! Its like a rule: when you see an open field, you GOTTA run through it,” I said after stopping and twirling around, looking at the afternoon sky.

The sky is painted all sorts of colours today, with the softest lilac enveloping the sky as a vibrant peachy tone forms on the horizon. Soft, large clouds turned a vibrant pink when kissed by the sun’s rays, and it all looks so beautiful you could wish to reach out your hand and give it the gentlest touch.

“Yeah, we really did stumble upon a gem, how lucky are we??” Fenrir exclaimed, snapping my attention away from the sky. and as I stole a look at him, I could see that his eyes zoned in on the tower, and a mischievous smile crept to his lips.

“Pretty lucky,” I answered, pausing and turning around to look at Fenrir. His face was glowing under the peachy tones of the sun, his hair tinted into an even deeper magenta.

Oh to be the sun right now, gently kissing his skin like that…

I caught my train of thought before it choo-chooed far away.

Fenrir looked back at me, and suddenly scooped me up into his arms and started spinning. I squealed as he began to sing a tune, and I remembered our walk in the rain in the first days we’ve known each other, oh how time flies.

Eventually, we both collapsed on the ground from laughter, watching the floating clouds above, giggling every once in a while just by being in each others presence.

“C’mon, we gotta see the inside of this place, and we GOTTA go up that cool looking tower- i’m sure the view from there would be amazing,” Fenrir trumpeted while getting up.

I agreed, and followed him up before we both walk into the building, hand in hand.

When inside, I could really tell how magnificent this building once used to be. The ceiling is painted a scene of clouds and a starry sky, and when I squint, I made out out what looks like a delicate placement of encrusted crystals. After finally peeling my eyes away from the ceiling, I noticed the stained glass windows lining the walls, and the grand staircase right in the middle of the building that leads to the second floor. While the paint seemed somewhat dusty and dull now, this whole place would have been a vibrant work of art. Something is weird though, for a place that seems to have been abandoned for a long time, it’s quite clean.

“Weird how it’s not so dusty and icky in here,” I mentioned to Fenrir, “for a place that seemed to not have had any visitors in years.”

“Huh, good point… weird,” Fenrir replied.

Fenrir let go of my hand, suddenly filled with excitement.

“I’ve got an idea! Let’s make this even more fun and play a lil hide and seek, okay? Cmon, i’ll hide first, count to thirty okay! And no peeking!” He exclaimed

Fenrir left me no time to protest, dashing away.

Guess I better start counting then…

Placing my hands on top of your eyes, I started loudly counting

“1....2....3.....”

Finally at thirty, I let my hands fall to my sides and scanned the area. Knowing Fenrir, he probably went straight upstairs, or maybe even to the tower, but I think I’ll scan the first floor first, just in case.

After walking through vacant hallways and opening empty wardrobes, it was clear Fenrir wasn’t hiding here, and nothing of interest was around anyways.

Guess it’s time to go upstairs now.

The main staircase was made of marble, with the base of the handrails featured delicate carvings of rabbits and grape vines. The more I spend time here, the more I wonder why such a lovely place was left forgotten, or who it used to belong to in the first place.

Turning left, I quickly found a staircase that could only be leading to the top of the tower. The stairs were quite stable and safe, just as Fenrir insisted they would be, and after some debate, I decided I’ll just go up now.

Half way through and I already regret my decision to go up as my calfs began to cry in pain.

Fenrir BETTER be up this tower, or I would have gone up this freaking mountain of a staircase for NOTHING

Finally reaching the top, exhausted, I push the heavy wooden door to unveil a sight I would never forget. Not in a million years.

There are lit candles all over, with rose petals dusted on the ground, some even forming a path to the middle, where a picnic is set up. In the middle of it all, is Fenrir grinning like a maniac. He’s laid sideways on top of the blanket, with one arm propping his head up with his elbows, and the other holding what looked like a bottle of champagne.

Gobsmacked, I stare at Fenrir, when he comically spoke, “alas, the gorgeous woman reunites with the charming man once more,” proceeding to pull the cork off the bottle with his teeth, and raising his eyebrows.

While he was quite funny, everything together was just mesmerizing. I quickly realize that this whole day must have been prearranged by Fenrir. The trip, the “discovery” of the building, why the building happened to be so clean, and oh my god…hide and seek! Thinking of how much thought and effort Fenrir must have put into organizing all this, my heart melt.

“Oh my god, Fenrir. This is so beautiful.. wow...” your voice trailed off, as no words can really describe how you’re feeling right then and there.

“You like it?” Fenrir asked, nervousness showing in his face.

“Like it?!? I more than like it Fenrir! I love it! This is just so freakin’ beautiful! I don’t know what to say...”

“Then don’t say anything,” he said, smiling, “just come and enjoy this moment with me”

I simply nodded, taking a seat next to him as he sat up.

I scanned the picnic that he has set up and thought of how delicious everything looks.

“It all looks so good Fenrir!” I burst out

“I made it all myself, ya’know... i mean, Luka gave me a few notes- but it’s all hand made by yours truly, i promise,” Fenrir explained, “and no guns were involved in the making,” he added with a wink.

The fact that this was all made by him just made everything ten times better. The time he must have spent to get everything right!

Among the fruit skewers, pb&j sandwiches, scones, and strawberry sandwiches, a little bag caught my eye. Peering inside, I could see that it contains what looks exactly like the glowing berries I saw outside. Fenrir noticed my attention to them, and quickly enlightened me on what they are

“Ah yes, i knew you’d be into these! These are a Cradle exclusive, ya know? They’re the juiciest, sweetest, most perfect berries you’ll ever have in your life!”

“They’re glowing, Fenrir! They seem too beautiful to eat”

“I hear ya, but let me tell you this: they taste even better than they look, i promise”

I glanced back at the berries and picked one up and popped it right into my mouth.

He was right, they did somehow taste even better than they looked.

“Oh Fenrir, you’re right, they’re delicious”

“I just cant help being right sometimes” he answered back with a shrug, grinning.

A soft smile formed on my face, and I thought about how full of excitement and joy my days with Fenrir always seem to be.

We both just sat next to each other in a comfortable silence, and munched on the carefully made snacks, appreciating the time we have together and admiring the sky and setting sun.

This must be the best end of a game of hide and seek to ever happen…

#i honestly was hesitant about posting this but too much time has been invested #uhhh #i’ll just go die now #ikemen revolution #ikerev #fenrir godspeed #fluff #fenrir godspeed fluff #ikemen kakumei #ikerev fanfic #ikemen revolution fanfic

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chatteringorb · 6 years ago

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So, we’re doing this again…

I originally started this blog to report on my wife’s first battle with breast cancer almost six years ago. Jody had her own tumblr, but didn’t really want to talk about her illness, so I took on that role so her friends could know what was going on. I met lot of great people because of tumblr, including some in real life. After nearly ten months, Jody was declared cancer-free (or at least as cancer free as one can be, given, y’know, Cancer), and my blog evolved into other things, like gardening and food.

But, it’s back. Yes, Jody has once again been diagnosed with cancer. So the blog is circling back to its beginning. [Lots more details after the jump.]

In October Jody developed a cough, which she thought was just a symptom of a cold she had at the time. But after the cold went away, the cough didn’t. She suspected it had become a case of walking pneumonia. Since we were planning on going to visit her almost 90-year-old mother for Thanksgiving, Jody decided to get her lung situation checked out, so she wouldn’t be contagious during our visit.

Because we just move to this mid-Mitten town, we didn’t yet have a primary care physician, so she called the local urgent care facility. They told her that if she was having trouble breathing that they would most likely just send her to Emergency at the hospital in the next town over, so they suggested she go directly there instead, which is what Jody did. She called me after a few hours (I was busy teaching) and told me that they had taken a chest x-ray and didn’t like what they saw, so they wanted to do some more tests. A CT scan came back even less promising, and they directed her to an oncologist so she could get additional tests done. Now, in order for her to have an MRI and some of the other tests, she needed to have a PCP, which now we have, and he formally referred her to the oncologist.

The Wednesday after Thanksgiving Jody met with the oncologist who had studied her x-ray and CT scan, and he referred her for some additional tests, including an MRI and a biopsy of lung tissue. She spent all of one afternoon and into the evening getting a PET scan and an MRI of her head. The PET scan was not good, but the MRI of her head showed nothing. (ß Joke, yes you may laugh).

The results, in summary: cancer in both lungs, both hips, in her spine, and in numerous lymph nodes. It’s not simply a tumor to be excised. Numerically: stage 4 metastatic cancer. The biopsy indicates that it is the same cancer as she had in her breast and a few lymph nodes back in 2013.

The prognosis: if she has no treatment, she will not likely live even a year. With chemotherapy and possibly additional hormone therapy, her five-year survival probability is perhaps 40-50%.

Despite her statement after chemo the first time that she would never do it again, Jody will start chemotherapy this Friday. Her initial schedule is to do six rounds at three-week intervals, which takes us to mid-April. Last time she followed the chemo that shrunk her tumor with a radical mastectomy. Can’t do that to both her lungs.

In her current condition, Jody finds it difficult to breathe deeply, as the growth in her lungs is constricting her bronchial tubes. When she changes her body position, she often starts coughing. She tries to breathe and move very carefully, but that causes anxiety. Anxiety causes her core muscles to contract, making it more difficult to breathe, leading to more coughing. And, you have a negative feedback loop. With our most recent consultation with one of the oncologists, we explored and thoroughly discussed this issue, and we are working to alter her drug therapies for her anxiety/depression and also her asthma. Already, prior to any formal changes to her medicine, just by knowing what part of the problem is, Jody has modified her own prescription schedule a little so that it is helping her breathing. She made it all through family Christmas dinner and socializing with only one mild coughing spell. The oncologist says that she may see rapid improvement in her breathing perhaps after only one dose of chemo. Breathing is good.

That’s what we know right now, and now you do to. So, what can you do?

Thoughts and prayers are always welcome, but more tangible expressions are even nicer, too: cards, visits, emails. Financially we are luckier than most with a family safety net, and better off than we were the first time around, when we had to COBRA her insurance to maintain coverage. Our deductibles and copays are better now, too. (Yay for teachers’ unions, and all other unions that help and protect their members and their families!) We got through this the first time with lots of emotional support from friends and family, and that helps a lot. Having great senses of humor, and people to humor us, was also important. So, send us funny things! Jody starts many sentences these days with “Not to be morbid, but…” If we cannot laugh at ourselves, who can we laugh at?

If you are nearby, visits are welcome, but please call ahead to make sure that she didn’t just finish a chemo treatment and is now busy for the next three days puking her guts out—she’s not a very good hostess in those conditions. Delivering food, while appreciated, is not necessary, as her appetite has already waned over the past six weeks and will definitely get worse during chemo. Also, I like to cook and it is an outlet for my own tension and anxiousness, plus it’s my favorite way to show people I love them, so I want to cook for her what foods she may actually want to eat.

Please feel free to email or message your questions or concerns. I’m a teacher by nature as well as profession, so I like sharing knowledge about our situation and how we are dealing with it; it’s actually therapeutic for me I believe. And if I can help others understand what we are going through, maybe it will be easier for them to go through their own similar traumas in the future, and then Jody’s cancer will have been an indirect way to make the world a slightly better place for some people.

One more thing: death. There is a strong likelihood that this bout of cancer will kill my wife. Perhaps not immediately but eventually. Jody is not afraid of death, however. She is already a survivor, as a child, of a near-death experience, and has positive expectations for the next Act in this eternal improvisation we call life. She has no unfinished business, no regrets, no amends to make, and has been a light unto this present world, and welcomes the peace that comes with death from this life, whenever that may occur. That said, she’s willing to fight the good fight for her current life for the people around her who she loves and who would sorely miss her. And she looks forward to the continuing opportunity to do more Good for others while still here on Earth.

I have set up a Caring Bridge account, if you are interested in more day-to-day reports. Posts here to tumblr are more likely to be of the general week-at-a-time variety.

https://www.caringbridge.org/visit/jodyvanderyacht

Thank you for reading, and thanks for your friendship and support.

#cancer #chemo #breast cancer #death #not yet #caringbridge

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bnha-hcs · 7 years ago

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Some Starbucks Rage

So me and @bnha-villians-hc-and-imagines were originally going to work on some Starbucks AU stuff because we both suffer in that hell but it became less of an AU and more of a rage induced ranting session so I’m posting it here so y’all can do with this as you will. Be warned there’s a lot of cursing and caps lock lmao

STARBUCKS RAGE:

Me, Tiki:

You come in every fucking day and can’t seem to figure out how the creamer works for whatever fucking reason so I always end up having to pour it for you IT’s NOT THAT FUCKING HARD JUST UNSCREW THE CAP

You keep coming in and just saying “mocha” and I don’t understand what you’re asking STOP LOOKING AT ME LIKE I’M STUPID WHEN I ASK YOU HOT OR COLD JUST ANSWER THE QUESTION PLS THERE’S A LINE

Lmao fuck,,, If you come in one more time and ask for a cup of whipped cream I will have you feel the wrath of god.png

You came up to the front counter and keep changing your mind about which mug you’re buying and I’m handing them back to you to put away like, you know, good people do and you’re getting mad at me saying you don’t want it PLEASE JUST PUT THE FUCKING CUPS BACK WHERE YOU FOUND THEM

“Is it too late to change my milk from regular to almond milk??” Me, holding the finished drink and about to set it down on the bar: “No, I guess I’ll Make a BRAND NEW ONE”

If you say “just a little bit” one more time while I’m toasting your fucking bagel I will shove it down your fucking throat oh my gods

I asked you about a million times if you wanted your (insert pastry item here) warmed up and you said no so I hand it to you and you suddenly go, “Oh wait,,, :c can I have it warmed up?”Me, inserting a gun into my mouth: “sure”

If you keep coming in and ordering off the fcuking “secret menu” one more time I’m going to launch you into the sun

yOU ALWAYS COME IN HERE WITH GIFT CARDS THAT HAVE REWARDS ON THEM WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU AND WHY DO YOU HAVE 6 REWARDS AND WHY DO YOUR CARDS NOT WORK ON THE FUCKING TERMINAL AND I CAN’T SEE THE NUMBERS ON THEM TO TYPE THEM IN FUCK YOU

You ate 7/8ths of the fucking panini and then came back to complain that it was cold NO I’M NOT GOING TO FUCKING REFUND IT

You and your group of friends came in completely drunk at 8 in the morning pls stop yelling at each other to shut up and just order something AND STOP FUCKING WITH THE DISPLAYS

I ask you if you want room in your coffee for cream and sugar and you either say “just cream” or “just sugar” and i don’t think you fucking understand that they’re the fucking same JUST SAY YES YOU NEED ROOM

If you spill your entire drink all over the fucking bar don’t just stand there and look lost for fucks sake julia CLEAN UP YOUR GODDAMN MESS.

“Do you have (insert breakfast sandwich) right now?” “no we don’t sorry.” “WELL WHAT DO YOU HAVE??” Me, two feet away from the display case: “We have whatever’s in the case” “Well what’s in the case??” I DON’T KNOW KAREN WHY DON’T YOU USE YOUR EYES AND FIND OUT??

Don’t get fucking mad because you have to wait two seconds for the pike to brew I’M SORRY WE HAVE TO BREW IT EVERY 30 MINUTES WOULD YOU RATHER NOT GET ANY AT ALL YOU MOLDY DONUT

Sorry i don’t know all the ingredients for every single syrup we own I DON’T FUCKING KNOW IF PEPPERMINT HAS DAIRY IN IT BUT I WOULD ASSUME NOT

nO i can’t fucking cut your panini or breakfast sandwich in half I don’t have a knife stop asking

You came in asking if you could buy a bag of chips that we don’t sell and you literally have the bag of chips what the fuck where did you get this bag of chips sir did you just STEAL A BAG A CHIPS TO BUY IT AT A STARBUCKS

No i’m not giving you a fcuking sleeve for your cold drink THIS IS WHY WE RUN OUT BY FUCKING NOON BC BOO BOO THE FOOL CAN’T HOLD A COLD DRINK APPARENTLY

FUCKING There aren’t any fucking soap suds in your goddamn coffee sir THEY’RE NOT SOAP BUBBLES It’s a goddamn reaction of when the carbon dioxide and the bean oils combine it makes the bubbles. It’s not soap. For fucks sakesIT GOES AWAY IN 2-3 MINUTES AND GUESS WHAT ASSWIPE THE MORE BUBBLES THE FRESHER THE COFFEE SO YOU CAN KISS MY CANDY SWEET CANDY ASS

////

@bnha-villians-hc-and-imagines:

You always mobile order but you dont fucking come get your drink until 45 minutes later and i H a T E you

You come in. Everyday. Asking if we have pumpkin spice. It is fucking march. STOP.

You ordered a starbucks doubleshot on ice with 12 shots with no cream or sweetener. And asked for it to be filled with cold brew instead of milk or water. For the third time today. Are you okay? ... Seriously, are you okay?

I saw you stuff handfuls of our splenda and sugar packets into your jacket. Who are you and why are you like this?

No you cant hand me all your trash through the drive thru window, fuck you.

I'm taking an order over the head set, taking money from the window and struggling to also put a lid on this frappaccino- YOU CAN WAIT, PERSON AT FRONT COUNTER.

I was scheduled to work with two people over a peak period, both didn't show up. I am running the store myself, this isn't sweat these ARE TEARS. (Tiki im sorry u lived through this)

Please dont yell at me if your card declines. That is all.

Getting angry when I dont laugh at/agree with your racist/sexist/transphobic/homophobic joke doesnt make you right or a victim. I hope you drive into a tree.

No im not going to use my partner numbers on your order???? Who??? The fuck???? Do you think you are????

Stop smoking in drive thru. STOP IT. FUCKING STOP. STOP.

Its 9pm. OF COURSE WE HAVE LIKE NO FOOD ITEMS WE ARE CLOSING DOWN THE STORE U DUMBSHIT.

i cant pick out artichokes from your sandwich what the fuck? Is this subway? No.

I dont care about your diet. Stop telling me that its cheat day.

If im mopping. Dont. Walk. Through. My. EFFORTS. Please. Im not even finished with half the store. Just go to the other side its 3 steps away please.

Dont say “coffee” in the drive thru and drive off to my front window you fucking ignoramus.

Get off your phone when ordering. Fuck you. And your phone call.

Im not looking at your laptop while im sweeping don't give me a side eye, for fucks sake.

I SAW YOU STEAL THAT PACKET OF CHOCOLATE COVERED GRAHAM CRACKERS. AT LEAST TRY TO BE SNEAKY.

If i cant scan ur panini at front counter, it doesnt mean its free. Please stop making this joke. Im just going to put it in manually. Please stop trying to take it from me. I need to warm it- please- stop- ITS NOT WARM PLEASE STOP- please. Please. *4 minutes later once they have their coffee* “uh. No one warmed up my panini” *they hold up the panini that they SNATCHED FROM ME* me, stabbing myself and performing seppuku; “tell my mother i love her”

You walked into my store and cut in line. Why are you upset that i tell you to move? Why? Who are you? Who raised you?

Just because you call me “darlin’” doesnt mean i will flirt with u. You're like fucking 46. I am 20.

STOP. GIVING. YOUR. ORDER. IN. THE. PASSENGER. SIDE. OF. THE. CAR. WHEN. ORDERING. AT. THE. DRIVE-THRU. I. CANT. HEAR. YOU. JUST TELL YOUR DRIVER WHAT YOU WANT SO I CAN HEAR THE ORDER PLEASE IM BEGGING YOU.

“I want a vintage (yes) white chocolate mocha with 3 pumps of raspberry” “venti?” “vintage” “..venti..” “VINTAGE” “okay.”

“Hi welcome to starbucks can you please hold on a moment for me” “CAN I GET A UHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, TOASTED WHITE CHOCOLATE MOCHA WITH NO WHIP, EXTRA HOT WITH EXTRA PRIVILEGE AND I WANT IT DOUBLE CUPPED/// Me, Juggling 3 paninis and trying to take money from an old lady who doesnt know what silence is and is telling me about her 5th grandkid picking his nose; “hi welcome to starbucks i hope you fucking choke”

If one more god damn person looks at me, in my fucking eyes, and tells me they wanted their latte iced when i asked 459 times if it was hot/iced then i will choke a bitch.

“Can i add to my order. At the window. After i paid, and after you've given me my drinks?” me, crying; “okay”

You came in, ordered a kids temp hot chocolate, and now you are complaining that its. Not. Hot. Enough? Go die.

Im sorry that we ran out of cakepops Sharon, but calm the fuck down. Please.

Hi i noticed you came through our drive thru/store at 9:58pm and I just wanna let you know that everyone in the store hates you with an unrelenting rage that will hopefully melt the skin off your face. Oh? You need 4 caramel fraps and 2 black and white mochas, both iced with no whip and half and half as the base? Fuck you.

////

#mod tiki #mod talks #TIKI IS FUCKING PISSED #listen #we're both really salty

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trans-guy-positive-blog · 7 years ago

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URGENT: Help my parents want me to go to the hospital bc im feeling suicidal im so scared and i dont know how its gonna go and being trans makes it more scary, i live in the US if thats important

Hey there, im sorry youre feeling so bad. Going to the hospital is a really good idea if youre suicidal. I know its scary, but it really can help keep you safe. You can learn coping skills and find vakuabke resources for you and your family.

In the past year ive been in a psychiatric hospital 3 different times (1 hospital the first 2, another one for the 3rd) so Ive been where you are. The first time I stayed 7 days, the second time I stayed 6 days, and the third time it was 8 days. Obviously things can differ state to state but im gonna give you the general protocol of things to make it a little less scary. Going to the hospital (all 3 times) was the best choice i could’ve made tbh. Im gonna give you the whole process. All of it may not apply to you depending on what the doctors say, but ill put it here anyway just in case

First you go to the ER. They will give you a bracelet with you name on it which can be dysphoria inducing if your name isnt legally changed. Sometimes it will also have your legal gender on it too. They will do intake (ask why youre there, blood pressure, weight, pulse) and then youll wait to be called. They may have a security guard sit near you if youre not with your parents (they might do that anyway though).

After this they will take you to a crisis unit. This may be called a Behavioral Health Unit instead of crisis, its the same thing. Here they will have you give them everything you have (cellphone, headphones, shoes, wallet, etc). They may also take your jewlery. Some places also will have you change into scrubs and they will take your clothes. They will have you change in a room but someone will likely need to watch you change in the room or they will look through a 2 way mirror. In this process they might also take your binder. The first time I explained why i needed to keep it and i cried a lot and begged. The next time i told them i will not take it off. The third time they didnt ask. They will also scan your body with a metal detector wand and possibly give you a patdown. If you are packing, they will have you remove it. I suggest not packing when you go to the ER.

They will bring you to a room that has a bed and walls. There also may be a door on the room, but no lock. Sometimes a bathroom is also attached to the room. You can usualy have a pillow and blanket. They may bring chairs in if your parents are allowed to stay with you (some places dont allow parents past a certian hour). They also can give you water and some food here of you ask (sometimes they will automatically offer if its a meal time). Here you will usually be asked to give a urine sample and they sometimes draw blood. There also may be a phone that you can use to make calls, so be sure to know peoples numbers.

Youll meet with a psychiatrist who will evaluate you. Expect questions about wanting to die or harm yourself, about hallucinations, about your mental health history, any medications youre on, and about being trans. The psychiatrist will then determine whether you are a threat to yourself or others. If you are, they will want to admit you. Depending on your insurance and where you live, you might get to pick which facility you go to. It is A LOT easier to consent to being admitted as a voluntary patient than it is to be involuntary (involuntary patients are forced to be there by court order). You will then be transported by ambulance to the psychiatric hospital. The psych hospital may be in the same building as the regular hospital, and in that case they will transport you by stretcher.

(Your parents may or may not be present for this depending on where you go) Once you arrive at the psych hospital, youll do intake again. They will take vitals and ask you a million questions about how youre feeling and what your history is. You may get misgendered a lot here. Correct them and be consistent even though its scary. You might also get a tour of the floor and have some thing explained to you. It will help in the long run. Because youre trans, the rooming situation might be weird. The first 2 times i was at a hospital that wasnt educated about trans stuff so i was forced into a single room because i was apparently a sexual predator bc im trans. The third time i was at a different hospital and they were a lot better. There i had a trans roommate, a girl, and a guy (we all kept switching rooms).

In the hospital, you might be one on one supervision until they decide you arent gonna harm yourself or others. Hospitals have a psychiatric nursing staff, psychiatrist, and different kinds of therapists and counselors. Youll probably have group therapy, one on one meeting with the doctor, family therapy or meetings, group activities like games or movies, coping skill groups, etc. You may also have school built into the schedule, where you can get work from your school sent to you or dropped off. (Nothing online, no computers). A theraputic teacher will be there to supervise and they may give assignments as well. Youll also have some free time to journal or watch tv or color. Your floor might also go outside. Meals are either in the cafeteria or on your unit. It depnds where you are and how safe you are. All of this really depends on where you are though. Your parents can also come visit and possibly friends or teachers or religious leaders. You can also make phone calls. Who is allowed to visit/call depends on the facility. They will keep you at the hospital until you are safe enough to go home. They will most likely put you on medication and have you see a therapist and psychiatrist after you go home. You may also have to do IOP, which is intensive outpatient therpay, where you go a few times a week to group therapy and individual counseling. You can refuse to go if you dont want to, but its suggested. IOP is really a hit or miss.

That’s basically the process. Another thing to mention is that your parents should bring you a bag of stuff. This should include clothes, hygeine stuff, towels, notebook, coloring book, books to read, schoowork, etc. Also be sure to have a sweatshirt and some long sleeves, as well as fuzzy socks or thick socks because it will be cold. You can’t have anything with strings so take them out before or the hospital will take them out or cut them off. The hospital will be able to tell what you can and cant have. Its different for each place. If you have specific concerns, be sure to vocalize them. I have severe allergies so I had to make sure i was allowed sheets and pillowcases and blankets from home or hypoallergenic ones from the hospital. I also needed to make sure i could have my own soap and shampoo and conditioner, as well as my lotions to keep my allergies calm. At one hospital i was automatically allowed all of that and at another i needed special permission. It all really depends on where you are.

I hope this was helpful. Going to the hospital is really scary, especially if its your first time, so being afraid is normal. My first time i cried for three days straight. Iam so proud of you for asking for help and i really hope you do go to the ER to get evaluated. If you (or anyone else) want to messgae me here or on my personal please do.

EDIT: I totally forgot to talk about HRT. If you are on testosteorne make sure they have it. I had to bring my own T and estorgen blockers to one of the hospitals i was at. They let me do my shot myself, supervised of course. They also took me off of my blocers for 3 days because they had to get it approved by their pharmacy which was really stressful. The other hospital had my estorgen blockers there so it was fine, and my time there didnt fall of a T shot day. But they said they had it for if i ended up staying longer.

Stay safe

-Emmett

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mylovingbouquetearthquakewo-blog · 6 years ago

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